It's been a mixed week, feel like I've been on the verge of tears over everything, all week, songs, adverts, the news, news, work. Everything.
Firstly, above all, it's a wonderful week because my darling nephew's daughter arrived on Wednesday. I haven't met her yet but I can tell you already that I love her and would die for her. Nuff said. She's actually still in the hospital but will hopefully be home today.
CJ phoned me with the news, just before bedtime, and after an excruciatingly difficult and long day in work, it was the best news, and such a surprise, even though she was a little over her due date, there were no... she's on her way messages, nothing until.... 'I'm with my daughter.' Did you just hear my heart melt again?
Other than that, it's been long days in work, a few days of throwing away my lunch, because I hadn't had time to eat it, nights of being unable to get to sleep, and or waking up at 4am. Throw into the mix, mild tonsillitis, (only on one side,) and the scent of sorrow in the world at present and there you have it, a recipe for tears.
It was also a week of goodbyes. I've been at my current job for two years and since day one, 'Big Jim' has been; warm, friendly, encouraging and... I've been searching for that last adjective for a while and the best I've come across is... commanding. Last night, he threw a leaving party at a club close to work, he is also generous and has class. Another colleague mentioned that we all know that Jim's a big man, but he has real 'presence', and I could not have described him more perfectly. Everything seems OK and in control when Jim is around, like you're in safe hands. I'm sorry I didn't get to work with him longer, to enjoy his company and to learn, and I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce him to some of my gorgeous friends, I actually had three potentials in mind for him. He'd be lucky to have any of them on his arm, and they would be lucky to have him.
So, weird week with happy hello's, sad goodbyes, sleeplessness, empathy and a little illness... which I'm still trying to both understand and heal from. There was more relatively boring stuff too, prescription mix ups, blood tests, other tests required, all non important at the moment, just frustrating, time consuming and bothersome.
I need to get some sleep, get rid of any infection I have floating around the throat area and get to meet my Great Niece for the first time. Right now, that really is all that matters.
I ♥ EGM
Sunday, 22 November 2015
Saturday, 21 November 2015
Practice What you Preach
I've been off work for a week now. Not the best of breaks, can't seem to shake off the tiredness or melancholy. I've crammed in sleep... very important, nurses appointment, tell you about that later, had blood tests and made a doctor's appointment for the results, that's weeks away, as usual. Had dinner out with Jan, followed by biggest Christmas tree in Europe being lit followed by fireworks display, visit to see the Poppy display at St. George's Hall, (thought about Grandad,) and follow-up appointment with sister who had op for cancer this year, had physio, coffee with cousin and baby cousin... highlight, that was pretty much it.
Quite a week I suppose. So, nurses appointment was funny. I had to wait four weeks for the appointment. Arrived at 7.15pm, fifteen minutes early, to be told that the nurse was running 16 minutes late. I made the appointment, firstly because my blood pressure check was due and secondly, because I can't help feeling that something is out of kilter somewhere.
Despite being told there was a sixteen minute delay, within two minutes, I heard my name called. I stood up, briefly spotted a figure in blue who raced off ahead of me. I kept up, just, and followed the nurse into the exam room. To say that the nurse looked dishevelled, is being kind. But I felt for her. She had probably been on duty for about ten hours at this point. I'm sure her hair was all up at the beginning, now, we have a... half up, half sticking out at 90 degrees scenario going on.
"So you're new to the practice?"
"No, I've been coming here since I was a child."
"But you haven't been here for over twelve months."
"I last came for a BP check in July this year."
"You're not on BP meds yet though."
"I'm on Lisinopril."
It went on like that for a while, but God love her, I was probably the sixty-something patient she'd seen that day.
In the five minutes that I was actually in there, I tried to convey that I'd been very tired for a while, that I understood that this was due to either work, early starts or hormones, and after initially telling me that she couldn't authorise blood tests, in the end, she ticked every box for me to be checked; liver, renal, cholesterol, thyroid, iron, B12 etc.
"You're OK with a fasting blood test?"
"No" (I was joking... partly.)
"You may as well go tomorrow, while you're off, they open at 8.30am."
So after having woken early with thoughts of coffee, coffee and more coffee, I settle for boiled water and leave early to avoid the school traffic and to get there early.
I arrive at the hospital at 8.20am, only to read the sign to say that they begin the phlebotomy sessions at 9am. Luckily, I'd brought a magazine with me.
At 8.58am, my number clicked onto the screen, come on down, number 83. The nurse aims for my right arm, "you won't get anything out of there." Nurse smiles and moves over to my left arm, and I look away.
Quite a week I suppose. So, nurses appointment was funny. I had to wait four weeks for the appointment. Arrived at 7.15pm, fifteen minutes early, to be told that the nurse was running 16 minutes late. I made the appointment, firstly because my blood pressure check was due and secondly, because I can't help feeling that something is out of kilter somewhere.
Despite being told there was a sixteen minute delay, within two minutes, I heard my name called. I stood up, briefly spotted a figure in blue who raced off ahead of me. I kept up, just, and followed the nurse into the exam room. To say that the nurse looked dishevelled, is being kind. But I felt for her. She had probably been on duty for about ten hours at this point. I'm sure her hair was all up at the beginning, now, we have a... half up, half sticking out at 90 degrees scenario going on.
"So you're new to the practice?"
"No, I've been coming here since I was a child."
"But you haven't been here for over twelve months."
"I last came for a BP check in July this year."
"You're not on BP meds yet though."
"I'm on Lisinopril."
It went on like that for a while, but God love her, I was probably the sixty-something patient she'd seen that day.
In the five minutes that I was actually in there, I tried to convey that I'd been very tired for a while, that I understood that this was due to either work, early starts or hormones, and after initially telling me that she couldn't authorise blood tests, in the end, she ticked every box for me to be checked; liver, renal, cholesterol, thyroid, iron, B12 etc.
"You're OK with a fasting blood test?"
"No" (I was joking... partly.)
"You may as well go tomorrow, while you're off, they open at 8.30am."
So after having woken early with thoughts of coffee, coffee and more coffee, I settle for boiled water and leave early to avoid the school traffic and to get there early.
I arrive at the hospital at 8.20am, only to read the sign to say that they begin the phlebotomy sessions at 9am. Luckily, I'd brought a magazine with me.
At 8.58am, my number clicked onto the screen, come on down, number 83. The nurse aims for my right arm, "you won't get anything out of there." Nurse smiles and moves over to my left arm, and I look away.
Rainbows
I'm not going to lie. This week, was rubbish. This week was Mum's anniversary, 5th November, Bonfire Night actually, so when all around me are giddy with the thought of fireworks and sparkles, I'm trying to put a brave face on things and dodge the ones that sound like bombs going off.
Last year, I sailed through, this year, for some reason, seemed hard. As if it wasn't bad enough, I at least thought I'd get better at it as the years went by.
I made it through the day OK, just about, with the thought of escaping from work on time and just getting to the safety of home to keep me going. But, I didn't get out of work on time, and so the traffic was horrendous and it took forever to get home.
On top of this, my, "unidentifiable", has been absent, vacant and aloof. Oh, and I feel terrible, not sure why, haven't worked out in over a week.
It's Friday night and I have now finished work for a week. I'm trying to watch some nonsense on the TV to help my brain to de-stress and zone out... with a glass of wine. I can't do it, I can't even tolerate nonsense. It's serious, I need the Big Guns, I need a mini binge watch of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte... and maybe a little Big. I turn to 'Time and Punishment', 'An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)' and 'An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)'. They hit the spot, collectively, perfectly. (♥ Paris)
A few days after Mum's funeral, most of the family congregated at the cemetery to scatter the ashes. While we were there, we saw a double rainbow and since then, I've always associated rainbows with Mum. I cried myself to sleep last night, something I haven't done for a while.
It's the day after the anniversary and tonight, on the way home, as I crawled thought the traffic, I was mesmerised by a brilliantly coloured, double rainbow. Most would say that this was a coincidence, I choose to take it as a "hello."
Last year, I sailed through, this year, for some reason, seemed hard. As if it wasn't bad enough, I at least thought I'd get better at it as the years went by.
I made it through the day OK, just about, with the thought of escaping from work on time and just getting to the safety of home to keep me going. But, I didn't get out of work on time, and so the traffic was horrendous and it took forever to get home.
On top of this, my, "unidentifiable", has been absent, vacant and aloof. Oh, and I feel terrible, not sure why, haven't worked out in over a week.
It's Friday night and I have now finished work for a week. I'm trying to watch some nonsense on the TV to help my brain to de-stress and zone out... with a glass of wine. I can't do it, I can't even tolerate nonsense. It's serious, I need the Big Guns, I need a mini binge watch of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte... and maybe a little Big. I turn to 'Time and Punishment', 'An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)' and 'An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)'. They hit the spot, collectively, perfectly. (♥ Paris)
A few days after Mum's funeral, most of the family congregated at the cemetery to scatter the ashes. While we were there, we saw a double rainbow and since then, I've always associated rainbows with Mum. I cried myself to sleep last night, something I haven't done for a while.
It's the day after the anniversary and tonight, on the way home, as I crawled thought the traffic, I was mesmerised by a brilliantly coloured, double rainbow. Most would say that this was a coincidence, I choose to take it as a "hello."
Sunday, 1 November 2015
Wrapped up in Memories
Thanks so much for phoning sweetie, it's the next best thing to catching up in person and it was so delicious to just pour out everything I've been dying to tell you.
I'm very aware that life is about to change forever. Baby CJ will be here in just a few weeks. My Mum, the Great Grandmother of Baby CJ, would have been beside herself with excitement, but I'm sure she knows what's going on, has probably already said hello in fact.
Yesterday was Halloween and I duly showered in good time but rather than throwing on my PJ's, I reached for never worn jeans, which I've had for about 5 years, and a Gap, jumper from my top shelf, which I haven't worn for about 12 years. I deliberately have stayed away from said jumper because of the memories it stirs.
I bought three jumpers from Gap at the same time, cream, black and plumb, cable knit, sailor collar, cotton mix.
Clothes, hold memories and present them to you every time you look at them or put them on. I have inherited an ottoman, which holds a bedspread, which is made up of squares of material from my childhood, dresses, bedding etc., it's all there, in three inch squares, for posterity. Each square sporning a memory.
Last night, I threw on my jeans and reached for the Gap jumper, as soon as I put it on, I was instantly transported back to a hospital bedside, where the patient touched my arm, touched that jumper.
So, I was all ready for the tiny Halloween'ers, I have a rule, if they are shorter than me, I open the door, as tall as or taller, I don't open the door, but the past few years, I've had quite a few little'un's knock, even toddlers trooped around. This year, only three knocks, a two... sisters, about eight, and a singleton, very brave, made sure he got extra candy and wished him a Happy Halloween. That was it, no more, tons of candy left over.
Halloween brought up more than I had bargained for but that's just how it is. If I place that jumper on my top shelf again and don't touch it for the next 50 years, it will still hold on to those memories for me, as long as I have my marbles anyway.
Maybe, I should wear the jumper, and create new memories.
I'm very aware that life is about to change forever. Baby CJ will be here in just a few weeks. My Mum, the Great Grandmother of Baby CJ, would have been beside herself with excitement, but I'm sure she knows what's going on, has probably already said hello in fact.
Yesterday was Halloween and I duly showered in good time but rather than throwing on my PJ's, I reached for never worn jeans, which I've had for about 5 years, and a Gap, jumper from my top shelf, which I haven't worn for about 12 years. I deliberately have stayed away from said jumper because of the memories it stirs.
I bought three jumpers from Gap at the same time, cream, black and plumb, cable knit, sailor collar, cotton mix.
Clothes, hold memories and present them to you every time you look at them or put them on. I have inherited an ottoman, which holds a bedspread, which is made up of squares of material from my childhood, dresses, bedding etc., it's all there, in three inch squares, for posterity. Each square sporning a memory.
Last night, I threw on my jeans and reached for the Gap jumper, as soon as I put it on, I was instantly transported back to a hospital bedside, where the patient touched my arm, touched that jumper.
So, I was all ready for the tiny Halloween'ers, I have a rule, if they are shorter than me, I open the door, as tall as or taller, I don't open the door, but the past few years, I've had quite a few little'un's knock, even toddlers trooped around. This year, only three knocks, a two... sisters, about eight, and a singleton, very brave, made sure he got extra candy and wished him a Happy Halloween. That was it, no more, tons of candy left over.
Halloween brought up more than I had bargained for but that's just how it is. If I place that jumper on my top shelf again and don't touch it for the next 50 years, it will still hold on to those memories for me, as long as I have my marbles anyway.
Maybe, I should wear the jumper, and create new memories.
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