27th January 2012

Short week for me this week, but it's been a pretty frustrating one on the work front, (there was actually nothing pretty about it.)  There were changes afoot and a lot of uncertainty, which I, I would have embraced but just tell me, I hate the anticipation and dithering about, just make a decision, and tell me what the changes are to be.  It's been going on few a few weeks but finally built to a crescendo this week with rumours circulating and morphing by the hour.  The decision was finally made and announced at 3pm on Thursday.  Thankfully, it's worked out pretty well for me and for my team, we've been hit by only minor changes and welcome ones at that, so for once, it all worked out.

I haven't slept well all week, I really need to figure this out and do something about it.  No lbs lost this week either and I'm still harbouring those 3lbs of Christmas fat which refuse to budge.  I have however committed to doing derriere exercises every night and they're working, who said you can't spot reduce eh?

I'm still enjoying, Eat, Pray, Love, not just because I enjoy Liz's story telling and adventures, but because she has sparked so many forgotten memories of my own.  She's just described a time when she was between 9 and 10, and she was suddenly very aware of the passage of time, it seemed to be speeding up and she promptly assumed every one of her family and herself, would soon be dead.  My version of this came when I was around 18. 

I'd been ill, my body and brain couldn't cope.  My doctor diagnosed mild M.E. but I just remember being very down and worried about everyone in my family, I thought they were all going to die prematurely of disease or kill themselves via chain smoking or alcohol.  One of the chain smokers, a sister, only quit about 3 years ago but yes, she's alive and well. 

Now, over 20 years later, some are here and some are gone.  Received more bad news on a loved ones health this week.  We'll know more after an MRI.  I'm feeling positive and really think everything will be okay.  (This is major coming form a born worrier,) I just don't have that gut retching feeling this time.  Hope I'm right.

You reach a point in your life were older relatives have more health obstacles and the obstacles become more common place.  The good thing is that you're also at a point were you are better able to deal with the news and you become the care giver offering support, we have better skills to cope by now.  Thank heavens.

Liz also mentions a roaring fire and I was instantly back in my Nanna and Grandad's house, the house my Mum grew up in.  Nanna and Grandad were long gone, it was no longer theirs but that of two of my Aunts, one a spinster, (God, I loathe that word,) the other, a widow, lived on in the house with the roaring fire in the sitting room, next to the kitchen.  It was a real coal fire, and I remember a coal shed outside in the back yard.  It all sounds so Victorian to me now.  The fire was lovely, I remember the sparks floating up and the crackles, and the orange glow that dappled anyones face who dared to get close enough.  It was lovely.