So, you remember the old lady in the airport security queue? 5ft 5" grey/white, short, curled back hair, typical old lady style. Dressed like an old lady, comfortable, hint of tweed in the skirt department? Well, we've landed at Southampton. JR is not there to pick me up yet and so I stand at the drop off/pick up segment of the car park for about 15 minutes. It's a positive wind tunnel, if you will, after several minutes, I decide that my curled locks will just about be a rats nest at best by the time I am picked up and so I load up the hood on my jacket and tuck my locks inside.
I am not small am I? I'm 5ft 6", stocking feet. I have boots on, so, 5ft 7". Hair is up so maybe, 5ft 8"? Long story short, I am hardly invisible, am I? Standing tall and next to me is my bright red, carry on case. It has extending handles which, well, they're extended, tall and upright so my case is what? 3ft 6"? We are a non-invisible duo, standing neatly together.
I am standing at the pick up point, a very windy pick up point, looking away from oncoming cars, and oncoming possible lift, due to wind situation, and so I see sneaky wheelchair bound old woman, walking towards me. 'That's funny,' I think. Saw said sneaky old woman, a) standing in security queue, and b) sitting in wheelchair, waiting to board plane.
Sneaky old woman, is bounding towards me, tunnel vision, within the wind tunnel, she's closing in on me... closing in... and walks straight into me and my carry on, my bright red, carry on, me... all 5ft 8" of me. She bowls over my carry on, it hits the deck like , well, Ali decking... anyone. My carry on, fell to the floor with one hit. 'Oh,' said old woman, 'it's fine, it's fine,' I kind of shoo the old woman away, not sure what I was trying to do but it was all a bit awkward and so I shooed.
Old lady walks a further 30ft, ties on a silk head scarf and gets out mobile phone. I have decided, that old lady, is an impostor. I have decided that old lady, is in fact, a covert spy.
Did old lady accidentally walk into my carry-on, or did she walk into it deliberately? Did she just knock it over or did she deposit poison, or a microchip? If I'm dead in 24 hours, contact Scotland Yard and ask them to get a flight manifest, pronto.
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