Last week, I had to get one of my tyres fixed, it had a screw in it, I'm hoping that it's as good as new but keep approaching car with trepidation in case I have a flat waiting for me.
Circulation is not on the move, despite wearing several layers to work on a daily basis, and not sitting too far from a radiator that is too hot to touch, I am permanently cold, frozen to the bone and it's miserable. Far too many occasions of numb and lifeless fingers for my liking, I keep wondering if one day, they won't come back to life, so I've decided that I am now allergic to extreme cold, I realise that this probably can't be classed as "extreme" by any normal person's standards but if it's cold enough to drain the life out of my extremities, then that is extreme enough for me. I'm allergic to cold aren't I? Can I still move in with you or is it too late?
I had another physio appointment this week. Physio, who not only works wonders but explains everything as she goes... and it makes so much sense, it's a great if painful 30 minutes. The human body is amazing isn't it? How everything is connected? Physio said she hoped to get me to 75% mobility and I'm apparently at 50% now. I was momentarily elated, then a bit dashed, what about the other 25%? What can I do about that? I'll ask next time but not quite ready to settle for 75% just yet.
Work situation? Well, it's still hanging in the balance. I may find out next week if I may be able to move back to my old department, considering that this department took me on unfairly, putting me in a redundancy situation, 6 weeks after I started, I think I deserve to be allowed to go back. We'll have to wait and see.
I'm keen to see the back of Winter. My heating is on permanently and I'm dreading the next bill but it's just too cold without it. I was holding out for the sales but when I leave here, I'm heading for M&S to see what they have in the thermal underwear line. Hope you're not too warm over there chick? ;) x
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Saturday, 16 February 2013
I know, I know...
You're wondering where I've been and what the heck I've been up to? Well, I don't actually know where the past two weeks disappeared to, it wasn't doing housework because this place is a tip. Each Monday to Friday have been busy, changes by the day, more and more worry piled on the top of existing worry about jobs and selections and options and my weekends just evaporate. Each 48 hour segment feels like 90 minutes maximum, isn't that just typical?
One thing I did do last Sunday was accept an invite from CJ for coffee at 11ish. I rapped on the door and bent head first to untie boots, as I lifted head up, this vision of pride and handsomeness greeted me. "Have you lost weight?" Were the first words out of my mouth and this cheeky and knowing face smiled back at me. In three weeks, CJ has lost 14lbs. He looks great, happy and strong, just what an Aunt wants to see. We were having a great chat but I had to cut it short to get back home for B calling in after church.
My own workouts, other than my "Jane Fonda" leg lifts, have dried up recently, between a muscle spasm in my back and total lack of motivation, that's all I've managed. I am on a bit of health kick though. Alcohol consumption down, veggies up, porridge up, sleep up. All good things.
Oh, eyebrows were waxed at the fair hand of the lovely Mandie yesterday, so I feel slightly more human today.
Did I tell you about my eldest sister's cholesterol? I was told she had a reading of 20, this week, I found out, from the horses mouth that it was actually 23. So a couple of weeks ago, on my last visit to my GP, I mentioned this and another sister having high cholesterol and two of my cousins and asked if she thought I should have it checked? GP loved the idea and told me that "they", the doctors, love people asking for tests. Who knew? Anyway, a week later I went for my test and a few days after the fasting blood test I got my results, sugar at 4.4, cholesterol at 4.6, both normal. Just need to sort out my BP now.
One thing I did do last Sunday was accept an invite from CJ for coffee at 11ish. I rapped on the door and bent head first to untie boots, as I lifted head up, this vision of pride and handsomeness greeted me. "Have you lost weight?" Were the first words out of my mouth and this cheeky and knowing face smiled back at me. In three weeks, CJ has lost 14lbs. He looks great, happy and strong, just what an Aunt wants to see. We were having a great chat but I had to cut it short to get back home for B calling in after church.
My own workouts, other than my "Jane Fonda" leg lifts, have dried up recently, between a muscle spasm in my back and total lack of motivation, that's all I've managed. I am on a bit of health kick though. Alcohol consumption down, veggies up, porridge up, sleep up. All good things.
Oh, eyebrows were waxed at the fair hand of the lovely Mandie yesterday, so I feel slightly more human today.
Did I tell you about my eldest sister's cholesterol? I was told she had a reading of 20, this week, I found out, from the horses mouth that it was actually 23. So a couple of weeks ago, on my last visit to my GP, I mentioned this and another sister having high cholesterol and two of my cousins and asked if she thought I should have it checked? GP loved the idea and told me that "they", the doctors, love people asking for tests. Who knew? Anyway, a week later I went for my test and a few days after the fasting blood test I got my results, sugar at 4.4, cholesterol at 4.6, both normal. Just need to sort out my BP now.
Friday, 1 February 2013
Blood Spatter
So after the drama of doing the high blood pressure monitoring thingummy on Monday and Tuesday, on Wednesday, I had an appointment to donate blood... for the needy, well, for the bleeding I suppose.
I beat a hasty retreat from work and travelled, in my own time and using my own fuel, to the destination. I had an appointment booked, I arrived 10 minutes early.
Twenty minutes later, when I was still sitting there, after negotiating the poorly signed system they had going on, I could feel myself getting wound up. Despite my negotiations with myself, the fact remains that years ago, blood donors over here were encouraged to make an appointment to donate, rather than wait for over an hour, as I have done, to donate, out of the good of our hearts for no more reward than a coffee or a weak cordial and a biscuit.
And so, I was there early by 10 minutes and 10 minutes after my appointment time, I was still waiting and feeling agitated. Shortly afterwards, my name was called, ran through the usual, name, d.o.b. address, last time I gave blood. Minutes later, I was laying down on a bed.
I rolled up shirt sleeve and looked away, I'm not squeamish but I prefer not to watch the needle going in. Male nurse did a great job, hardly felt a thing. Then I heard, "sorry, some splash back and there is some blood on your top." I looked down and to the left and there were four drops of blood on my shirt.
Reassured the nurse it was fine as I dabbed with a wet wipe, but this has never happened before, is it because I was worked up at my appointment running late? Is my BP really high?
Bearing in mind that the alarm used to sound a couple of years ago because I was so slow at donating, (you have to give your donation within 15 minutes or they can't use it, and I always struggled to complete on time,) today, I'm at 4.something minutes, while I am a bit glad, I am a bit worried.
Another nurse arrives to extract needle, make sure that I stop bleeding and sit me up before I head for my coffee.
8 minutes and 4 nurses later and my arm has just about stopped bleeding. This is not normal. I have to get this under control. I don't mention my BP and when the head nurse is satisfied that I won't bleed to death in my sleep, I head for a coffee.
I get home, take off the tape across my arm and hit the shower. I need to gain control of my body, I need to work at relaxation. This is ridiculous.
I beat a hasty retreat from work and travelled, in my own time and using my own fuel, to the destination. I had an appointment booked, I arrived 10 minutes early.
Twenty minutes later, when I was still sitting there, after negotiating the poorly signed system they had going on, I could feel myself getting wound up. Despite my negotiations with myself, the fact remains that years ago, blood donors over here were encouraged to make an appointment to donate, rather than wait for over an hour, as I have done, to donate, out of the good of our hearts for no more reward than a coffee or a weak cordial and a biscuit.
And so, I was there early by 10 minutes and 10 minutes after my appointment time, I was still waiting and feeling agitated. Shortly afterwards, my name was called, ran through the usual, name, d.o.b. address, last time I gave blood. Minutes later, I was laying down on a bed.
I rolled up shirt sleeve and looked away, I'm not squeamish but I prefer not to watch the needle going in. Male nurse did a great job, hardly felt a thing. Then I heard, "sorry, some splash back and there is some blood on your top." I looked down and to the left and there were four drops of blood on my shirt.
Reassured the nurse it was fine as I dabbed with a wet wipe, but this has never happened before, is it because I was worked up at my appointment running late? Is my BP really high?
Bearing in mind that the alarm used to sound a couple of years ago because I was so slow at donating, (you have to give your donation within 15 minutes or they can't use it, and I always struggled to complete on time,) today, I'm at 4.something minutes, while I am a bit glad, I am a bit worried.
Another nurse arrives to extract needle, make sure that I stop bleeding and sit me up before I head for my coffee.
8 minutes and 4 nurses later and my arm has just about stopped bleeding. This is not normal. I have to get this under control. I don't mention my BP and when the head nurse is satisfied that I won't bleed to death in my sleep, I head for a coffee.
I get home, take off the tape across my arm and hit the shower. I need to gain control of my body, I need to work at relaxation. This is ridiculous.
Think of a Number
So, my blood pressure has been sporadic but mostly high for a few years now, do you remember the last time I was due to come out to see you and I thought the locum doctor would put the mockers on me flying? Every time I had my BP taken, I managed to pass off the high measurement somehow, had two jobs, little sleep, stressful situation, but four years on and they don't seem to believe me so much.
I haven't seen many white feathers lately but just figured too much time had passed and those that used to send me those little "hello's" were fine and so, that was fine by me. They were busy having fun and I was happy with that.
I've had two tiny and fluffy white feathers on my doorstep this week, well, Saturday and then another on Sunday. Do we think this is a coincidence? I'm guessing not so much.
The nurse I've seen a couple of times in the past six months, quite rightly, flagged up my high BP. It's not terrible, (they haven't seen it terrible,) just higher than it should be. So I was given an ultimatum that I should complete a 24 hour blood pressure test, away from the surgery, away from "white collar syndrome," to prove myself and to show that I was really okay.
At the last meeting, I asked the nurse to write down for me, what I should be, and what I was. She wrote, what I should be as 144/90 and what I was as 150/92, so you can see, not hugely over on the scale, this time.
Around 8 weeks later, I have been summoned to take a 24 hour blood pressure monitoring test. I am anxious, I haven't slept for a few nights worrying about it, I have read that a reading is taken every 30 minutes, (and when it does, if it's anything like the monitor I have at home, it makes a very loud buzzing sound.) I'm worried I'll distract my colleagues, draw attention to myself, for the whole time I'm in work and thus, I would be embarrassed, I hate all attention on me. The Sister who fit's the device is calm and lovely. The medical student, who bundles in, a few minutes late after rapping on the door, is not. She does not calm me.
I have a cuff placed around my arm, it's too big for me but it has a clip and I attach it to my t-shirt. The reader, monitor, sits in a little, across body holder, like a little handbag, only the Sister dresses me and feeds the connecting tube and the holster, over my shirt, and so I ask if it can sit under my shirt, I'm self conscious as it is without advertising a tube and an across body bag which buzzes every 30 minutes for heavens sake.
You may be surprised to know that my first reading was high. Sister was lovely and explained that this is normal and this should be the highest reading of 24 hours.
Unfortunately, from 9am when the device was fitted, it wasn't until 3.30pm that my blood pressure returned to "normal-ish." I was too conscious of the readings, or if anyone would notice the buzzing, if we'd finish our daily, "not so brief," (our daily meeting,) before the monitor would check on me again. It was too much and a mistake, I should have taken the day off to attempt to remain calm.
I got home and used the time between readings to grab a shower, I took off my shirt and there, prominent and proud, was a tiny white feather attached to the strap of the holster. Explanations are welcome.
I was at home and watching TV by 3.30pm which is when I neared normal. I went to bed early, I was tired as I hadn't slept well the night before... in preparation, and I didn't expect to sleep on Monday night at all with the readings continuing through the night. However, it wasn't too bad. I went unconscious, with the help of a tiny bit of wine, for 5 hours and then I woke and dozed in between readings for the next 5 hours, I lay still in bed, wide awake between 5am and 6am to get another 2, "normal" readings under my belt to attempt to get my average down.
I headed out to the surgery again the next morning and Sister actually came for me over 5 minutes early, "thought you'd be glad to take that off." I really was but the funny thing was, I felt like I was still wearing the cuff even after it had been removed.
The Sister downloaded the information there and then. They are used to at least 3 errors but I had only 1 and "did really well" I got excited at this point as thought I'd passed then realised she was talking about the number of errors. Only one error, (miss reading) occurred within 24 hours and it was around midnight, I was asleep and must have been laying on the tube.
The Sister then analysed the downloaded results. "You see here that it's high and it's not until here than it becomes normal, even here, it's higher than it should be, so the average over 24 hours is.......... 144/90."
I was temporarily elated, that's the number I needed, that's the number the nurse wrote down for me, I'm okay! But apparently not, despite the earlier nurse, 8 weeks ago, telling me that I should be at 144/90, today, that number is high, apparently.
Don't you think it's strange that out of highs and lows over 24 hours that the average is the number I've been staring at and hoping for, for the last 2 months? 144/90. I do.
So I have to wait now. If it was up to the lovely and calm Sister Bullock, she would give me 6 months and have me take the test again because I am "young" (allegedly,) and "light," (who am I to argue?) But sadly it is not up to Sister Bullock, the information will be passed to my GP and she will be in touch with a plan of action, I'm hoping they give me a stay of execution. I don't want to go onto meds just yet and I am, after all, under the threat of redundancy for heavens sake, doesn't that count for anything, anymore?
I have written a new number on a tiny piece of paper to concentrate on, it is, 135/80. I now stare at this number every time I check my BP at home, probably about twice a day. I will achieve this the next time I'm tested... or better. Great experiment, no? I am now interested in manifestation, if it works on numbers, what else can it work on?
I haven't seen many white feathers lately but just figured too much time had passed and those that used to send me those little "hello's" were fine and so, that was fine by me. They were busy having fun and I was happy with that.
I've had two tiny and fluffy white feathers on my doorstep this week, well, Saturday and then another on Sunday. Do we think this is a coincidence? I'm guessing not so much.
The nurse I've seen a couple of times in the past six months, quite rightly, flagged up my high BP. It's not terrible, (they haven't seen it terrible,) just higher than it should be. So I was given an ultimatum that I should complete a 24 hour blood pressure test, away from the surgery, away from "white collar syndrome," to prove myself and to show that I was really okay.
At the last meeting, I asked the nurse to write down for me, what I should be, and what I was. She wrote, what I should be as 144/90 and what I was as 150/92, so you can see, not hugely over on the scale, this time.
Around 8 weeks later, I have been summoned to take a 24 hour blood pressure monitoring test. I am anxious, I haven't slept for a few nights worrying about it, I have read that a reading is taken every 30 minutes, (and when it does, if it's anything like the monitor I have at home, it makes a very loud buzzing sound.) I'm worried I'll distract my colleagues, draw attention to myself, for the whole time I'm in work and thus, I would be embarrassed, I hate all attention on me. The Sister who fit's the device is calm and lovely. The medical student, who bundles in, a few minutes late after rapping on the door, is not. She does not calm me.
I have a cuff placed around my arm, it's too big for me but it has a clip and I attach it to my t-shirt. The reader, monitor, sits in a little, across body holder, like a little handbag, only the Sister dresses me and feeds the connecting tube and the holster, over my shirt, and so I ask if it can sit under my shirt, I'm self conscious as it is without advertising a tube and an across body bag which buzzes every 30 minutes for heavens sake.
You may be surprised to know that my first reading was high. Sister was lovely and explained that this is normal and this should be the highest reading of 24 hours.
Unfortunately, from 9am when the device was fitted, it wasn't until 3.30pm that my blood pressure returned to "normal-ish." I was too conscious of the readings, or if anyone would notice the buzzing, if we'd finish our daily, "not so brief," (our daily meeting,) before the monitor would check on me again. It was too much and a mistake, I should have taken the day off to attempt to remain calm.
I got home and used the time between readings to grab a shower, I took off my shirt and there, prominent and proud, was a tiny white feather attached to the strap of the holster. Explanations are welcome.
I was at home and watching TV by 3.30pm which is when I neared normal. I went to bed early, I was tired as I hadn't slept well the night before... in preparation, and I didn't expect to sleep on Monday night at all with the readings continuing through the night. However, it wasn't too bad. I went unconscious, with the help of a tiny bit of wine, for 5 hours and then I woke and dozed in between readings for the next 5 hours, I lay still in bed, wide awake between 5am and 6am to get another 2, "normal" readings under my belt to attempt to get my average down.
I headed out to the surgery again the next morning and Sister actually came for me over 5 minutes early, "thought you'd be glad to take that off." I really was but the funny thing was, I felt like I was still wearing the cuff even after it had been removed.
The Sister downloaded the information there and then. They are used to at least 3 errors but I had only 1 and "did really well" I got excited at this point as thought I'd passed then realised she was talking about the number of errors. Only one error, (miss reading) occurred within 24 hours and it was around midnight, I was asleep and must have been laying on the tube.
The Sister then analysed the downloaded results. "You see here that it's high and it's not until here than it becomes normal, even here, it's higher than it should be, so the average over 24 hours is.......... 144/90."
I was temporarily elated, that's the number I needed, that's the number the nurse wrote down for me, I'm okay! But apparently not, despite the earlier nurse, 8 weeks ago, telling me that I should be at 144/90, today, that number is high, apparently.
Don't you think it's strange that out of highs and lows over 24 hours that the average is the number I've been staring at and hoping for, for the last 2 months? 144/90. I do.
So I have to wait now. If it was up to the lovely and calm Sister Bullock, she would give me 6 months and have me take the test again because I am "young" (allegedly,) and "light," (who am I to argue?) But sadly it is not up to Sister Bullock, the information will be passed to my GP and she will be in touch with a plan of action, I'm hoping they give me a stay of execution. I don't want to go onto meds just yet and I am, after all, under the threat of redundancy for heavens sake, doesn't that count for anything, anymore?
I have written a new number on a tiny piece of paper to concentrate on, it is, 135/80. I now stare at this number every time I check my BP at home, probably about twice a day. I will achieve this the next time I'm tested... or better. Great experiment, no? I am now interested in manifestation, if it works on numbers, what else can it work on?
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