Think of a Number

So, my blood pressure has been sporadic but mostly high for a few years now, do you remember the last time I was due to come out to see you and I thought the locum doctor would put the mockers on me flying?  Every time I had my BP taken, I managed to pass off the high measurement somehow, had two jobs, little sleep, stressful situation, but four years on and they don't seem to believe me so much. 

I haven't seen many white feathers lately but just figured too much time had passed and those that used to send me those little "hello's" were fine and so, that was fine by me. They were busy having fun and I was happy with that.

I've had two tiny and fluffy white feathers on my doorstep this week, well, Saturday and then another on Sunday.  Do we think this is a coincidence?  I'm guessing not so much.

The nurse I've seen a couple of times in the past six months, quite rightly, flagged up my high BP.  It's not terrible, (they haven't seen it terrible,) just higher than it should be.  So I was given an ultimatum that I should complete a 24 hour blood pressure test, away from the surgery, away from "white collar syndrome,"  to prove myself and to show that I was really okay.

At the last meeting, I asked the nurse to write down for me, what I should be, and what I was.  She wrote, what I should be as 144/90 and what I was as 150/92, so you can see, not hugely over on the scale, this time.

Around 8 weeks later, I have been summoned to take a 24 hour blood pressure monitoring test.  I am anxious, I haven't slept for a few nights worrying about it, I have read that a reading is taken every 30 minutes, (and when it does, if it's anything like the monitor I have at home, it makes a very loud buzzing sound.)  I'm worried I'll distract my colleagues, draw attention to myself, for the whole time I'm in work and thus, I would be embarrassed, I hate all attention on me.  The Sister who fit's the device is calm and lovely.  The medical student, who bundles in, a few minutes late after rapping on the door, is not.  She does not calm me. 

I have a cuff placed around my arm, it's too big for me but it has a clip and I attach it to my t-shirt.  The reader, monitor, sits in a little, across body holder, like a little handbag, only the Sister dresses me and feeds the connecting tube and the holster, over my shirt, and so I ask if it can sit under my shirt, I'm self conscious as it is without advertising a tube and an across body bag which buzzes every 30 minutes for heavens sake.

You may be surprised to know that my first reading was high.  Sister was lovely and explained that this is normal and this should be the highest reading of 24 hours.

Unfortunately, from 9am when the device was fitted, it wasn't until 3.30pm that my blood pressure returned to "normal-ish."  I was too conscious of the readings, or if anyone would notice the buzzing, if we'd finish our daily, "not so brief," (our daily meeting,) before the monitor would check on me again.  It was too much and a mistake, I should have taken the day off to attempt to remain calm.

I got home and used the time between readings to grab a shower, I took off my shirt and there, prominent and proud, was a tiny white feather attached to the strap of the holster.  Explanations are welcome.

I was at home and watching TV by 3.30pm which is when I neared normal.  I went to bed early, I was tired as I hadn't slept well the night before... in preparation, and I didn't expect to sleep on Monday night at all with the readings continuing through the night.  However, it wasn't too bad.  I went unconscious, with the help of a tiny bit of wine, for 5 hours and then I woke and dozed in between readings for the next 5 hours, I lay still in bed, wide awake between 5am and 6am to get another 2, "normal" readings under my belt to attempt to get my average down.

I headed out to the surgery again the next morning and Sister actually came for me over 5 minutes early, "thought you'd be glad to take that off."  I really was but the funny thing was, I felt like I was still wearing the cuff even after it had been removed.

The Sister downloaded the information there and then.  They are used to at least 3 errors but I had only 1 and "did really well" I got excited at this point as thought I'd passed then realised she was talking about the number of errors.  Only one error, (miss reading) occurred within 24 hours and it was around midnight, I was asleep and must have been laying on the tube.

The Sister then analysed the downloaded results.  "You see here that it's high and it's not until here than it becomes normal, even here, it's higher than it should be, so the average over 24 hours is.......... 144/90."

I was temporarily elated, that's the number I needed, that's the number the nurse wrote down for me, I'm okay!  But apparently not, despite the earlier nurse, 8 weeks ago, telling me that I should be at 144/90, today, that number is high, apparently.

Don't you think it's strange that out of highs and lows over 24 hours that the average is the number I've been staring at and hoping for, for the last 2 months?  144/90.  I do.

So I have to wait now.  If it was up to the lovely and calm Sister Bullock, she would give me 6 months and have me take the test again because I am "young" (allegedly,) and "light," (who am I to argue?)  But sadly it is not up to Sister Bullock, the information will be passed to my GP and she will be in touch with a plan of action, I'm hoping they give me a stay of execution.  I don't want to go onto meds just yet and I am, after all, under the threat of redundancy for heavens sake, doesn't that count for anything, anymore?

I have written a new number on a tiny piece of paper to concentrate on, it is, 135/80.  I now stare at this number every time I check my BP at home, probably about twice a day.  I will achieve this the next time I'm tested... or better.  Great experiment, no?  I am now interested in manifestation, if it works on numbers, what else can it work on?