Mother's Day was hard this year and you would think I would be used to it by now. I did wonder yesterday if I would see a white 'hello' feather today. I got to Starbucks at 9.10am a little later than usual as Mike pointed out as he processed my card, and as I walked to my usual seat... there it was, a white feather, on the tiles, within feet of the just mopped floor signs. Made my day.
I have three more days in work then I'm off for around ten I think, possibly eleven. I'm still coughing and I have an ulcer on my tonsil and a pretty sore throat. I'd aimed for a coffee date today but turned it down in the end. Probably not the best company in the world and better to be by myself.
I feel like I need to make some big decisions but it's pretty hard sometimes. I have major construction going on right on my doorstep. Neighbours are telling me that they have huge cracks in their brickwork, inside and out. My manager is telling me it's time to move on as there is no progression where I am now, where to, I do not know and I feel more alone than ever. Still, I'm probably just exhausted and in need of some time off.
My first weekend off is just what the doctor ordered. A long weekend away with friends, change of scenery, change of company, a couple of plane rides, despite being 'randomly' swabbed for drugs... again at the airport, (do I look like a druggy or an easy stat? Seriously, I have been randomly swabbed so many times. It really can't be that random.) The change of air, sea air, fresh air, helped to clear the last of my cough. I didn't over indulge, in alcohol anyway. I clocked about 6 to 7 hours sleep every night and it was just lovely to catch up with everyone.
I feel clarity. I feel different.
Sunday, 20 March 2016
Saturday, 5 March 2016
Spring
I always time stamp thoughts with pictures .... Lady Edith's wedding in Downton... 1925, my Mum was one and a half years old. Hard to fathom really.
Well, I survived Christmas, it wasn't that it was bad, it was just different and stressful. I spent it with family that I haven't spent Christmas with for a long time, and it was lovely for that reason.
New Year was quiet, just me and Bryan, Bryan Adams. OK, I was here and Bryan was in London sounding spectacular. I went out, as per usual with my coal, salt, bread and silver, let time tick over, watched a few fireworks then let myself back in. Sounds a bit pathetic I know, but, it's just tradition, even if I'm the only one who knows that I do it. No phone calls this year and the mobile network seemed to be on the blink so lots of messages could not be sent, but it was still good. I was in bed shortly after midnight and it didn't take me long to drop off.
January was a bit of a blur, it's always hard work trying to get back into a routine after the Christmas break. The break makes me realise that what I normally do, is not normal. For instance, I didn't wake once naturally, before 7am the whole time I was off. My usual waking time for work is 4.40am, by alarm. I rest my case. Work is busy but I'm taking that as a blessing.
For Christmas, I treated myself to a book by Jillian Michaels, (you know... "The Biggest Loser" coach,) it's called "Unlimited" and I absolutely love it. I love how it makes me think and I love her writing style, I can hear her voice in my head as I read. She has helped me recognise things in myself, she has helped me to see how to make my life better. I can tell you now, I'm going to read it, again and again.
On TV at the moment is the carnage that is...'The Jump' and the reason I am watching this is that my crush of twenty plus years.... Mr Dean Cain is competing. That is the one and only reason I'm watching this. 25% of the celebs can ski and are competitive, 25% have never skied but genuinely want to give it a good go, and 75% are attention seeking desperadoes screaming 'look at me'. I'm kidding, that was a joke, I have one friend who hates with a passion anyone using over 100% in total, you know the drill, giving it 200% etc. I did of course mean 99% of the celebs are desperate attention seekers.
The Monday before Valentine's Day, I started to feel unwell, Thursday, my eldest sister turned 70. I haven't quite got my head around that yet, in fact, I'm probably going to park that for a few years. I continued to feel dreadful for the next couple of weeks, terrible cough, aching, no energy, freezing cold but sweaty. I was getting home from work at 5.15pm and was in bed and asleep by 6.30pm, night after night. After a couple of weeks, I got a Dr's appointment and as suspected, I have a virus with flu like symptoms. Doesn't help me but I feel better knowing that it'll pass soon-ish.
The nights are drawing out thankfully, most nights, I now get home before it's pitch dark, which makes such a difference. A couple of weeks ago, I got home in time to open the curtains because I still had about 30 minutes light left, it was wonderful.
I don't have much appetite but I'm eating bits and bobs, it won't do me any harm and I'm not going to starve. I got to see my darling Great Niece a couple of weekends ago, CJ told me I was hired as I managed to rock her to sleep. She is so beautiful and I know I'm expected to say that, but she really is. God I hope she likes me when she's big enough to decide.
Really wishing I could hop on a plane, sleep for 24 hours and meet you at the other end, we'd then head to Raglan so that I could have the plane air and the cobwebs blown off me while we walked and chatted with the sand beneath us. What do you think?
Well, I survived Christmas, it wasn't that it was bad, it was just different and stressful. I spent it with family that I haven't spent Christmas with for a long time, and it was lovely for that reason.
New Year was quiet, just me and Bryan, Bryan Adams. OK, I was here and Bryan was in London sounding spectacular. I went out, as per usual with my coal, salt, bread and silver, let time tick over, watched a few fireworks then let myself back in. Sounds a bit pathetic I know, but, it's just tradition, even if I'm the only one who knows that I do it. No phone calls this year and the mobile network seemed to be on the blink so lots of messages could not be sent, but it was still good. I was in bed shortly after midnight and it didn't take me long to drop off.
January was a bit of a blur, it's always hard work trying to get back into a routine after the Christmas break. The break makes me realise that what I normally do, is not normal. For instance, I didn't wake once naturally, before 7am the whole time I was off. My usual waking time for work is 4.40am, by alarm. I rest my case. Work is busy but I'm taking that as a blessing.
For Christmas, I treated myself to a book by Jillian Michaels, (you know... "The Biggest Loser" coach,) it's called "Unlimited" and I absolutely love it. I love how it makes me think and I love her writing style, I can hear her voice in my head as I read. She has helped me recognise things in myself, she has helped me to see how to make my life better. I can tell you now, I'm going to read it, again and again.
On TV at the moment is the carnage that is...'The Jump' and the reason I am watching this is that my crush of twenty plus years.... Mr Dean Cain is competing. That is the one and only reason I'm watching this. 25% of the celebs can ski and are competitive, 25% have never skied but genuinely want to give it a good go, and 75% are attention seeking desperadoes screaming 'look at me'. I'm kidding, that was a joke, I have one friend who hates with a passion anyone using over 100% in total, you know the drill, giving it 200% etc. I did of course mean 99% of the celebs are desperate attention seekers.
The Monday before Valentine's Day, I started to feel unwell, Thursday, my eldest sister turned 70. I haven't quite got my head around that yet, in fact, I'm probably going to park that for a few years. I continued to feel dreadful for the next couple of weeks, terrible cough, aching, no energy, freezing cold but sweaty. I was getting home from work at 5.15pm and was in bed and asleep by 6.30pm, night after night. After a couple of weeks, I got a Dr's appointment and as suspected, I have a virus with flu like symptoms. Doesn't help me but I feel better knowing that it'll pass soon-ish.
The nights are drawing out thankfully, most nights, I now get home before it's pitch dark, which makes such a difference. A couple of weeks ago, I got home in time to open the curtains because I still had about 30 minutes light left, it was wonderful.
I don't have much appetite but I'm eating bits and bobs, it won't do me any harm and I'm not going to starve. I got to see my darling Great Niece a couple of weekends ago, CJ told me I was hired as I managed to rock her to sleep. She is so beautiful and I know I'm expected to say that, but she really is. God I hope she likes me when she's big enough to decide.
Really wishing I could hop on a plane, sleep for 24 hours and meet you at the other end, we'd then head to Raglan so that I could have the plane air and the cobwebs blown off me while we walked and chatted with the sand beneath us. What do you think?
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