Lots going on at the moment which I can't bring myself to talk about just yet. It's one of those times in life that you think; life is short, you need to make the most of it. Be happy, let toxic individuals float away from you, make sure the people you love, know that you love them, you know... the usual at times like these.
It's a Holiday weekend, with my extra Friday off tagged on at the beginning. It was just what I needed, even if I haven't slept well the whole time. I have made the most of it, Friday, coffee then 6 hours of gardening, yep, ached to oblivion after that, Saturday, coffee then off to spend day with my cousin, only 50 minutes away but with the Holiday traffic, 1 hour and 40 minutes away. Got home at 10pm. Sunday, 4 hours of gardening, a little sun burned, Monday, coffee, trip to the tip with 14 bags of garden waste, de-cluttered box room, ironed, de-cluttered some more, texted you, you're headed for Devon as we speak.
I've been in a real slump for a few weeks, the strain of a terminal illness and trying to lend support, being totally invisible at the Christening because I'm single, (photographer visits table to take 'family photos' and takes couple, another couple and family of 4, doesn't even look at me because I don't exist.)
Funeral... again, bad enough but worse alone. But now, a few days later, I have my game face on again. I've been giving pep talks to others. I'm feeling strong, I am de-cluttering the past like a demon.
You know what? 99% of the time, I am more than good enough as I am, alone, it's only at certain times or events that you become invisible, I just need to learn to cope better with the invisible moments.
Monday, 30 May 2016
Saturday, 14 May 2016
Zen
I'm in a pretty Zen, (smug,) place right now. Lots and lots going on, changes at work, illness, hospital visits, waiting, more waiting, but I'm OK. Maybe Zen is too strong, maybe I should say that all of my plates are successfully spinning at the moment, I have no doubt that some will eventually slip and smash into a million tiny pieces, but for now, I'm OK.
Well, you're here in the UK and so far, we haven't managed to meet up, between work, family and hospital visits, but I'm hoping to rectify this very soon. By the way, in case I forget to tell you, speaking to your youngest this week on the phone... just like talking to you, except with a Kiwi accent.
I'm still obsessed with my Fitbit and my activity has definitely been cranked up because of it. I'm now walking between 5 and 6 miles per day. I'm sleeping better, apart from last night when I woke at 3am but I put it to good use and so far today, well, it's 2pm and I've walked 7.5 miles so far.
I've found a Jillian Michaels kettlebell workout on YouTube of which I do half of every night with a 5kg kettlebell, it's a toughie, hence the half, Jillian kicks my behind.
I had my end of year chat this week, boss took me for a flat white and we probably chatted equally about him as about me, but he's in a pretty Zen place right now too, finally realising that there is more to life than work, and so I'm happy to ride on his coat tails, I'm not sure how long this will last, so I'll make the most of it.
I was asked recently to promise a loved one that I would 'enjoy life'. I did of course, duly promise that I would, but as the words left my mouth, I began to wonder... what does that mean?
Well, you're here in the UK and so far, we haven't managed to meet up, between work, family and hospital visits, but I'm hoping to rectify this very soon. By the way, in case I forget to tell you, speaking to your youngest this week on the phone... just like talking to you, except with a Kiwi accent.
I'm still obsessed with my Fitbit and my activity has definitely been cranked up because of it. I'm now walking between 5 and 6 miles per day. I'm sleeping better, apart from last night when I woke at 3am but I put it to good use and so far today, well, it's 2pm and I've walked 7.5 miles so far.
I've found a Jillian Michaels kettlebell workout on YouTube of which I do half of every night with a 5kg kettlebell, it's a toughie, hence the half, Jillian kicks my behind.
I had my end of year chat this week, boss took me for a flat white and we probably chatted equally about him as about me, but he's in a pretty Zen place right now too, finally realising that there is more to life than work, and so I'm happy to ride on his coat tails, I'm not sure how long this will last, so I'll make the most of it.
I was asked recently to promise a loved one that I would 'enjoy life'. I did of course, duly promise that I would, but as the words left my mouth, I began to wonder... what does that mean?
Friday, 6 May 2016
Now Breathe, and Focus
In the end, it was my love of sleep and plain old vanity that made me want to change. I hated how old and puffy my face looked. I also didn't like the way my body was looking, I'm not ready to give up yet, I want to wear a bikini one day, if I ever get to go on holiday again, I don't want to have to settle for stretchy pants as the norm because I can't find anything I like to wear that is comfortable.
Having a glass of wine after a stressful day at work is not only a habit, but a ritual, a comfort, a fake de-stressor because we all know that alcohol actually stresses the body, even though we tell ourselves that it helps us to relax and helps us to sleep... it doesn't.
I finally realised that it's the ritual that I love more than the wine. I have, after some bloody awful taste testing, found an alcohol free wine, which is palatable, nice in fact, which I can have chilling in the fridge, waiting for me to return from work and to pour, like a soothing nectar, into a beautiful wine glass to enjoy with dinner. I'm also sleeping like a baby and after a couple of weeks of this, I look ten years younger and ten pounds lighter, I'm not kidding.
To help me concentrate my mind, I've indulged in a Fitbit, other tracking gadgets are available but I've considered the purchase for a good few months and I eventually went for the Fitbit One, which I love. I am already signed up to Myfitnesspal which can be synced to my Fitbit, so the Fitbit automatically tracks my calorie intake, the number of steps I've taken, any activity undertaken and most importantly, tracks my sleep. It's fascinating. Fascinating how shocking my sleep pattern is.
Have to say, I'm a little obsessed but it has focused my mind so much and has really helped me to hone in on the calories in v calories out scenario. If I have ten minutes to spare in the morning before work, I'll walk a few blocks instead of just rolling up to my desk a little early. In work, I have to go up two escalators to get to the lobby, if one escalator is jammed, I'll go to the free one so that I can walk up it. I try my hardest to get out on my lunch for a walk to get in my steps, I choose to be more mindful with my eating. It really is amazing how it alters your thinking but I've always been most competitive, with myself.
It's not all about vanity, we only get one body in this life, I maintain my car, my home, I'd be foolish not to attempt to maintain my body wouldn't I?
Having a glass of wine after a stressful day at work is not only a habit, but a ritual, a comfort, a fake de-stressor because we all know that alcohol actually stresses the body, even though we tell ourselves that it helps us to relax and helps us to sleep... it doesn't.
I finally realised that it's the ritual that I love more than the wine. I have, after some bloody awful taste testing, found an alcohol free wine, which is palatable, nice in fact, which I can have chilling in the fridge, waiting for me to return from work and to pour, like a soothing nectar, into a beautiful wine glass to enjoy with dinner. I'm also sleeping like a baby and after a couple of weeks of this, I look ten years younger and ten pounds lighter, I'm not kidding.
To help me concentrate my mind, I've indulged in a Fitbit, other tracking gadgets are available but I've considered the purchase for a good few months and I eventually went for the Fitbit One, which I love. I am already signed up to Myfitnesspal which can be synced to my Fitbit, so the Fitbit automatically tracks my calorie intake, the number of steps I've taken, any activity undertaken and most importantly, tracks my sleep. It's fascinating. Fascinating how shocking my sleep pattern is.
Have to say, I'm a little obsessed but it has focused my mind so much and has really helped me to hone in on the calories in v calories out scenario. If I have ten minutes to spare in the morning before work, I'll walk a few blocks instead of just rolling up to my desk a little early. In work, I have to go up two escalators to get to the lobby, if one escalator is jammed, I'll go to the free one so that I can walk up it. I try my hardest to get out on my lunch for a walk to get in my steps, I choose to be more mindful with my eating. It really is amazing how it alters your thinking but I've always been most competitive, with myself.
It's not all about vanity, we only get one body in this life, I maintain my car, my home, I'd be foolish not to attempt to maintain my body wouldn't I?
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