Ahhhh Feb x

It's February at last.  I do love Feb, it's just so... hopeful don't you think?  It's like January but wearing a different coat, it's January without the depression. 

So I made it through January.  My tactic was to keep head down and to power through.  Seemed to work a treat, must remember that for next year.

I'd booked the second week of Feb off work, mostly to use up leave before it's lost, and I thought I'd waited too long for my worn out brain and body, but it turns out it was a perfect week to have.  Work was on a brief lull, I thought I was coming down with a cold, I was tired, permanently frozen to the core and just ready to spend more time on my new and amazingly warm and comfortable mattress.

My plan was to rise everyday at 6 to workout and to make a new habit.  Well, you know that didn't happen.  My mattress is too good.  I need to make a new workout routine but, just not yet, not while it's so warm and comfy and it's so very cold outside.

So this week I have had coffee in the a.m. and read, then did something; walk in cupboard - organised, wardrobe in the back room, box room... all organised.  I'm on such a roll Col, you'd be so impressed.

I'm going to tell you something which sounds a bit morbid but it's not really, I'm just being realistic, logical.  So Jan had mentioned a few times that she's sorting because one day, when she and hubby are gone, it will be down to CJ to sort everything and she didn't want him sorting through, well... crap.

You know what's coming next don't you?  Well, when I came to think about it.  CJ is going to be sorting through my crap too, and I want to make it as easy as possible for him.  It may be forty years from now but why wait?  What if it's next year and I wasn't organised?

I was sixteen when CJ was born and while I always felt like a protective Aunt, he also felt like my little Brother.  Even now that he has a family of his own, he'll still tell me that he loves me.  Words cannot express.

My family didn't do that before CJ.  It's totally down to my sister and brother-in-law, that CJ is able to profess his unashamed love and that we are now able to accept love gracefully and to say it back.  They changed our family because now I wouldn't think twice about saying it out loud... in front of others... to CJ's beautiful daughter.

Col, I slowly walk behind this one year old with my left arm outstretched.  She's holding onto the index finger of my left hand as she totters across the room, while her tiny right hand has a firm grip on my heart. I look at her and all that I see are CJ's eyes.  Safe to say... I'm in love.