Mixed Bag

My horoscope today, curtesy of Sally Brompton tells me... "It may at times seem like your life has no meaning, but you know that isn't true.  There is a pattern to your existence that is easier to see on some days than on others, and just because you can't see it now does not mean it isn't there.  Look a little harder - it's waiting to be found."

Feel like that was written just for me.  I have been struggling for a few months and feel selfish because of it.  I continue to look.

It's the Men's Final at Wimbledon today and you may remember that I have a very soft spot for Mr Federer and after a few years, my Roger is back, for a historic potential eighth Wimbledon win.
I love how much the history of Wimbledon means so much to the players.

I've started running again.  I say running... it's more of a slow jog but I feel like I'm spiralling into negativity, even depression and the last time I ran, I felt mentally more resilient. I have to find a way to at the least... slow the spiral of decent.

It's a couple of years since I ran but on Monday, I jogged for one song, Tuesday = two songs, Wednesday = three songs and by Friday, I was jogging for fifteen minutes.  You know how in 'Men in Black', they have that neutraliser gun thingy which wipes memories?  That's what running does for me.  I get home, pull on my Nike's and iPod and take a step, fifteen minutes later, my brain seems to have had the day's frustrations erased.  I need to stick with this.

You know how every time we WhatsApp chat you offer me a free bed?  Well, brace yourself but I'm thinking about taking you up on the offer.  I miss you so much and the thought of being in your presence and of walking on Raglan Beach is too inviting.  Any money I have to save will always be earmarked for something, a new kitchen, decorating, new carpets, a 'new' second hand car, the garden etc. but what if I'm dead next week?  What's the point?  I'm looking up prices for flights, love you x

Life's a Beach

Hi Col,

I know that I shouldn't complain, (which is the queue so that you know that I am indeed about to.)  No one died, no one is ill, I've just had a horrible week at work.  Rising at 4.30am, arriving at work before 6, working straight through without a break until almost 6pm then home for 7.  Just enough time to shower, blast head dry, throw a salad down me and watch an hour of TV before it's time to go to bed, .

Did I mention that I keep waking up at 3am and then that's it for the night?

I'm exhausted, cried myself to sleep at least twice this week, feel like I'm failing all of the tine and I wonder... what the actual reason is for me being here at all.

Anyway, I made it to the end of Friday.

I'm not managing my emotions very well at the moment, thinking of changing phone so that I can download an app to help me out.  You and I both know that it's nothing a walk along a beach couldn't fix, but that's not an option is it?

Why am I here?

I love you x