Christmas

Hi Col,  well, this was probably my worst Christmas since the one that came a month after I lost Mum, so many years ago.  Christmas week and Jan was run off the road by a lorry who didn't see her while she was driving grand baby home.  Both physically OK, Jan traumatised as any of us would be, Everly none the wiser, thank God.  I've been in extra support mode to anyone who needs me this week, this is my role in this life clearly.

Christmas Day, I have six hours of company.  That's a lot I realise and I'm not complaining, but that's the least I've had so far in this life and I know that this will decrease as the years tick over now.

Anyway, I have plans for the coming year.  This is my to-do list so far:

Practice saying No

Don't always put others before yourself (this is never going go happen)

Take better care of yourself, (we shall see.)

Get stronger / workout more

Try yoga

Be vigilant about your mental health

Deal with stress in a healthy way

Learn to articulate your feelings, (this is going to be a toughie.)

Honestly not sure I will succeed at all or any of the above in the coming twelve months but I think it's important to recognise what's needed, even if some of it gets shelved for a while.

Jan's been having a really hard time since the accident.  Logic goes out of the window when you have post traumatic stress and are completely freaked out by the thought of what might have been.  A few days after the accident, I was feeling the weight of being the only sister to be able to offer support, Jan came down stairs to find a wind up musical Christmas ornament that Mum had given her and hubby many years ago, playing and twirling all on it's own.  Hubby in the garage, Jan upstairs with dog, no one else around.  'Have I popped too many pills?' asked Jan.  No... that's all Mum.  I think it was Mum checking in not only for Jan but for me too.

Rings... to be continued x