Fat v 5:2

Have you heard about the 5:2 or Fast Diet?  It's intermittent fasting were you choose two days a week to eat only 500 calories during the day, (if you're a woman or 600 if you're a man,) and the rest of the time you eat normally, as in, three meals a day plus snacks or whatever your preference is.  You should also stick to the amount of calories your body actually needs and not go overboard on the non fast days, your body just doesn't need it.  There was a book out here a few years ago called "The Fast Diet" by Dr Michael Mosley and Mimi Spencer.

I bought myself and Bee a copy at the time if publication, I was interested in it from the health benefits point of view rather than the lose weight point of view, think I tried it one day and didn't bother again.

Fast (excuse the pun,) forward a few years and after my last holiday, I'd gained a few lbs with all the indulgences and meals out and I felt, well, like a stuffed sausage to be frank.

Monday to Friday I eat pretty well, in an attempt to eat the carbs, protein and fats my body needs, I did start to feel like I was force feeding myself a bit.  Not in an uncomfortable way nor did I ever feel stuffed but I was ready for something to change so that I didn't feel like I was constantly shovelling food into my mouth.

So I decided to give it a go, I read the book cover to cover, all of the science made sense, there didn't seem to be any negatives to contend with by following the instructions, so I began.

I didn't take lots of measurements as the book advises, I just needed to lose a few lbs and feel like me again.

I hoped the diet would work for me.  I wasn't expecting the diet to work on me quite how it did.  I've always considered myself to be "skinny" fat.  To the world, in clothing, I look slim, I get to see the muffin top, pouchy tum, hanging flesh from the top of my thighs when I'm exercising that no one else gets to see.

All previous diets that's I've attempted, if they work, then I see obvious changes, from the outside, maybe my face, maybe my bum usually chest.

This one is different.  My face looks the same, the number on the scale is coming down, but my tum is shrinking, my saddle bags are dissolving, my inner thighs deflating.

Usually diet's target in this order for me; face, chest, anything else you don't want to lose fat from.  The last to be targeted would be actually the first on my list, be it; thighs, bum or thighs, or bum ;)

You know how you always read that you can't spot reduce?  I believe that this diet targets pockets of fat from the inside out rather than the outside in, or at least that's what it seems to be doing with this bod.  Plus, it was actually the internal fat that I wanted to target anyway.

It may be that the only fat that I have is the visible kind, the inner thigh hang, the muffin etc.  and maybe that's all this diet has to target.  Either way, I'm delighted.  I'm only four weeks in and I'm 10lbs down, 6lbs in the first week.  Have to say that, when I began this diet, after my holiday, I was the heaviest I'd been for a long, long time, I was 9st 6lbs when my usual weight was around 8st 10lbs, 8st 10lbs being at the higher end of my norm.

To be honest, while I was noticing the changes on my outside, I was more worried about any visceral fat on the inside, rapped, snugly around my organs, comfortably sleeping like a resting snake.  Truth is, I don't know if I have a lot of visceral fat as I haven't had the appropriate tests, but I was willing to wage war on it anyway and I suspect that I have.

The outcome is that I can see my visible fat dissolving, being used up and eaten away by this diet like the preferred food of a hungry animal.  It gives me some comfort that if it can do that to the stubborn visible, I'm sure it can do the same to the invisible and stealthy kind, if I did in fact have any.

Fast days I have a couple of Starbucks filters with some skimmed milk and around 6pm, I have a good couple of bowls of Spring vegetable soup; celery, carrots, onion, couple of stock cubes and some extra virgin olive oil.  Feels so nourishing which I know probably sounds daft but really feels like you're doing your body good, resting it then feeding it with some solid nutrition.

Breakfast (break-fast) after a fast day, is almost indescribable.  My Monday to Friday breakfast is my favourite meal of the day anyway, wholemeal, seeded pita, with a whole avocado (none of this only half business,) and the tiniest slice of honey roast ham.  Breakfast following a fast day is on a whole other level, maybe the anticipation?  Whatever, it is last meal worthy.

I've been given the all clear from my GP to exercise regarding blood pressure, I've been give exercises and stretches from physio regarding dodgy post accident shoulder, so I really should get off my behind now and jump back into exercise to complement the new eating plan right?

Round Up of Events

Hi Col, I know I've been AWOL quite a bit lately and I'm sorry.  Just one thing after another and no writing mojo to speak of.

Accident was five weeks ago now and while I'm still clicking, crunching and stiff, body wise, I'm more relaxed driving again and not such a nervous wreck, but still tense.

We've had glorious weather and it makes you feel amazing doesn't it?  Got to be the Vitamin D effect don't you think?

Physically, I'm creaking.  Stuff hurts.  Mentally, feel a bit bruised but trying to do the right things.

Work hasn't been terrible and I'm off for a week now so I'm very happy with the prospect of sleep and freedom.

Fast forward nine days and I'm back to work tomorrow.  I've had a brilliant and busy week; coffee catch ups, lunch with Don and Sheila, trip to the Zoo with baby great niece, (we saw baby elephant, baby monkey (which I would have gladly brought home,) baby rhino,) and countless other, grown up animals.  Must be fifteen years since I've been and it was amazing, they all had tons of space and seemed very happy.  Even brought back some school trip memories of eons ago.

I've had a couple of meals out, Chinese and Wagamama's with J&G.  J decided lovely waiter from Chinese (think he may have been Eastern European, quietly spoken, pleasant, inquisitive, he thought he had seen me around,) was flirting with me and after two glasses of wine was keen to pursue, but I managed to deflect, pretty sure he was way too young for me, even if I was interested.

Saturday morning and I'm spending my only free time with Bee while J&G are toiling in my front garden for me when who rolls up, but our old neighbours.

A date was set and on Thursday night, I collected Jan and drove into the country to where Mrs P and A were staying for the week.  It was a really special night.  Neither of them have changed and it was like being back 25 years ago.  The chat, the references, talk of Mum.  It was lovely.  It was a hot, hot night and while we didn't leave until almost 10pm, the sunset was glorious driving through the dusk on the way home.

Old friends really are golden.

We had one day playing in the garden with baby great niece because it was just too hot and at least there, we had some shade.

Pretty much the rest of the time was spent digging in the back garden, digging up old bulbs, digging up enormous tree roots, digging, digging, digging.  Did you know, when you hurl a spade into a root, a root of any size, large or pencil sized, it's like hitting concrete and you get a ricochet through your hand and up your arm?  I hurt in places I didn't know I had and my hands are soooo sore.

Did I tell you all of this started because my back garden fence needed support posts putting in?  J&G, like the super heroes they are, said they would mend my fence so that I didn't have to get a new one, but in the process, I had to have a dead enormous tree cut down, dig out 10ft long tree roots, completely wreck my already moss and dandelion ridden lawn, sieve soil, and on and on the list would go.  Jan keeps telling me it's going to look amazing and I believe her.  It's been a long time since it looked like a garden and not an overgrown green mass.  I can't wait to see the end result and to be able to "potter."  Until now, my experience of gardening has been; "to hack."

Jan and I have been joking for years that once Geoff retired, I would have a list as long as my arm of "handy man" jobs for him to complete for me.  There isn't a room that doesn't need something Col, it's quite depressing and daunting but I haven't done anything significant for years and so... here we are.  I really do think it will be a beautiful and peaceful oasis when everything is complete.

Scrape

On Saturday I went for my usual coffee and read for an hour or so, headed to Bee's for a catch up for another hour then headed home. Three minutes from home, while I was giving way at a roundabout, stationary, someone ran into the back of me.  Not terrible, driver had a baby in a child seat on the passenger side, maybe she was distracted.  No one was hurt, some bumper damage, (about £700 on mine according to dear brother in law.)  I shook for about three hours and I'm a little stiff, shoulder hurting and clicking and crunching enough to make your stomach churn.

Everything will be fine but it's the hassle isn't it?  The inconvenience.  I'm going to be without a car for a few days so getting to and from work will be a nightmare.  Such is life.

Insurance company has been amazing, they've arranged for a hire car for me after all and they'll even pick me up to go and collect it.  There is a lot going on at the moment, so much information coming in that I'm trying to remember, my mind is blown by the day.

A few days after the accident and I'm still nervous driving around in my banged up car.  My car is collected by body shop for repair, hire car company pick me up to take me to collect hire car.

Paperwork completed, I wander outside with Aimee. "This is yours."

"You're kidding right?"  I have a tiny little car and they give me a Vauxhall Mokka X in black.  It's huge.  Not even a bright colour to scream at other drivers, "get out of my way!" Nope.  I'm stuck with the tank.

Have to say, after a few teething problems, (there is a button you depress for reverse and you open the petrol cap this way...) (I'm rolling eyes as we speak,) I grew to love it a little.  Still couldn't reverse park in it, but I started to relax driving it and felt safe.

Eight days later and I have my little beloved car back but now I feel minute and vulnerable in it, and a nervous wreck driving it again.

I'll be fine and will get used to it again.  And breathe.

Life's too short...

Life is too short Col, for uncomfortable underwear.  Yes, I'm going back to basics and I am done with putting up with uncomfortable undies because they're not ready to be thrown out yet (aka not worn out,) or they are allegedly sexy or for whatever reason, warm in the winter, cool in the summer etc. etc. etc.  Let's face it, if your nether regions are uncomfortable then the rest of you is uncomfortable, right?  It's exactly the same with painful shoes, your whole body is out of sorts when you wear uncomfortable / painful shoes.  So, no more, I need cotton and I need comfort, end of.  I feel liberated.

I've taken leave and  have had a lovely long weekend and the weather has been glorious, it's 24 degrees today.  Today being  Monday and my last day off work so I thought I would make the most of the time and the weather.  I went out for a coffee first thing and read some ore of my "depressing" book, (it is however starting to give me pointers on how to turn things around, i.e. flossing.)

I got home and cut the back garden grass, very hard going, first cut of the season and searing heat so took an hour.  Followed this by a further two hours of gardening, I say "gardening" but it was basically hacking and chopping away at bramble.  I'm ripped to shreds, felt light headed several times but in the end, filled 10 garden sacks with grass and thorns.

I followed the slasher fest with ironing then hovering, a solid day of hard work.  I'm exhausted and my body is complaining, but a bit of manual labour does a body good right?

Mayday

I was hoping that my new job would change my life, well, it hasn't exactly so far anyway but I do feel like I'm on a journey to and of improvement.

I've been using My Fitness Pal for years to keep track of what I'm eating and mainly to make sure that I'm eating enough of the right things, well I've just found out that I can tweak what it measures so I can see where I'm falling short, for instance, my iron levels have run low forever and that's normal for me but by choosing to monitor and log my iron on My Fitness Pal, I can see how I'm doing in this department.  The same goes for protein, I'm not really having enough but I can monitor it and change my eating habits to combat this.  Good huh?

I'm reading the most depressing book in the world at the moment.  I'm not going to tell you the title because it's unfair to disrespect the author and my judgement will probably change in around 4 chapters when things start to get positive and constructive, at the moment, it's a never ending shopping list of all the negative things that happen to your body once you hit 40... which is a very long way off ;)

The author is a doctor and a realist and is just what I need i.e. no sugar coating and some serious straight talk and lets face it, we all need some straight talk in some department don't we?

This book may really change my health so I'm going to keep reading.


I have a few days off work, yesterday was freezing cold but I spent several hours on a play date with my darling great niece Everly, in the garden because that's where she wanted to be.  She is two, going on thirty two.  She has a flair for rationale that would shame an adult, (we need to go inside Everly because it's cold and staring to rain.  "But if we put our hoods up (demonstrates,) we can still play outside!")

Jan and I agreed that Mum would have adored her and we wouldn't have stood a chance next to Everly.  I'm so in love.

On the Up

Has this been the longest Winter in history Col?  A few weeks ago, in the wee small hours, our clocks sprang forward over here into Spring, well, BST.  We had beautiful sunshine the following day as if to celebrate, but it was short lived and for the most part, the chilled air and the cloudy skies persist.

I'm more than ready for sunshine Col, seems to have been so long since I've felt any warmth from our sun and my bones fee positively brittle from the cold.

Things are finally improving generally though, I was thinking about this yesterday and have pinpointed the change rightly or wrongly to the eclipse on my birthday last year.  Since then, things have started to look up, not up and up, (January was the pits,) but on the whole, I seem to have a new found "can do, anything is possible" attitude.  There once was a time when everything, anything seemed almost impossible, now, nothing seems impossible, difficult, far fetched, a reach, but not impossible.

Your eldest is engaged to be married, (still can't get over that.)  I am "on his list" and I'd confirmed within two weeks that I would be there.  (Authorised with work etc.)  I hadn't planned on heading to NZ for a few years yet, work needs to be done here, my car has clocked over 102K so, it just wasn't on the radar for anytime soon, however, I've committed that I'm coming, I'd already committed to myself that I would, come hell or high water, have a new kitchen this year.  Everything here is old and needs either refreshing or replacing, it's at the stage were I can't do just one room because one leads on to another.

Well it's all going to be OK.  It might take me two to three years to do everything I need / want to do but that's OK, and by this time next year, I'll have spent a wonderful couple of weeks with you and the family and will have witnessed a dear hearts special day.

Chill in the Air

I return from holiday and miraculously, (and four weeks late,) I have a training plan.  It's not great but it's a little information at least and a starting point and with a little information, I can teach myself.

I only have to get through the next few weeks and I will move over to a different manager, thank God.  Going to be a long four weeks but I shall persevere, be me and keep my head down.

A week later Col and the weather turned, it was around -5 for the week, we got some but missed the bulk of the snow here but the temperature was enough of a challenge.  After a week, even with my "cold" tablets, (the ones for my diabolical circulation which I only take in very cold weather,) I was frozen to the bone, fingers lifeless by the time I'd driven home most evenings.  I went to bed each night in two nighties, with two hot water bottles, three microwaveable wheat wraps and bed socks, and I still woke in the night with the cold.  I would for sure die in a Canadian winter, and possibly after 5 minutes in Russia, both countries which are on my bucket list by the way.

In the midst of this, two of our own are battling cancer and one is having tests, my heart is so sad I can't explain.  50% of my small circle in trouble or maybe in trouble. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to the universe.  I have to hope that all will be well. You know I believe that you have bloodline family and then there is the family you choose in this life and that you and they are mine.

I'm a Winner

Hells Bells, (Helen) has made JR and I leek and potato soup, Mark is out and we don't eat until about 8pm which is really late for me, I've been up since 6 and had quite a stressful day, (stressed out anyway with work and then my lift to the airport was running super late then the flight etc. etc.) and so I'm rapidly falling asleep.  I have however been freezing cold for most of the day but the soup is warming and delicious.

JR and I are home by 10pm.  I wash my face, brush teeth and dive into my bed.  I'm unconscious before I know it.

Friday morning and I wake after having slept like a log.  It's freezing cold but it's a bright morning.  After a leisurely breakfast followed by a power shower, God I love JR's guest shower, JR and I head out to Stansted House for lunch.  We're early so we wander around the plant sale before taking a table in the Orangery.  I order a pot of tea for JR and a coffee for me and the snow begins to fall.  I take out my phone to take a picture and I have a missed call from my ex manager at work.  Probably a pocket dial but unlikely so I text; "Hi, did you mean to call me or was it a mistake?  Call me if you need me."

Message comes back to me immediately; "You've won half of the work charity lottery."  I've won £527, can you believe it Col?  Was already planning new kitchen,  hopefully Summer time and so this is going to my kitchen fund.  I have to keep stopping myself from saying "I can't believe it!"  Because apparently that sends all the wrong signals into the Universe.  (I know what you're thinking but I, well, I've been reading a lot about this stuff and I'm willing to keep an open mind... just in cases ;)  And, this next bit is going to sound a bit odd as I'm pre disposed to thinking, "that's not going to happen" or leaning towards the negative when it involves me, but I actually thought I was going to win it the week before, had a really strong feeling but then there were no winners and then I had the worst week in work and then I was I was on holiday and didn't give that Friday a second thought.  What do you make of that?

Flight of Fancy

Bee getting pneumonia and being hospitalised was a shock, it's amazing how quickly these events happen, one minute everything is fine and the next, you're using SatNav to find a hospital.  I visited most nights straight from work, leaving home at 5.05am and returning at 7.50pm, I was exhausted but not visiting wasn't an option that I would choose.

Thank God, after just over a week, Bee was allowed to return home, she has a good few weeks of taking it easy ahead of her but at least she's over the worst.

A few days later and I'm flying down to Southampton, there was a flight sale on which Jan alerted me to and so having leave to use up before March, I booked to go away for the weekend and visit my friends down there.

I'm lucky with the weather, it's been bitterly cold for a good week now and I've been fogged in before now at the airport waiting to fly down but everything is fine today and I'm on board and we depart on schedule.

As I board and make my way to 20D, I approach my row and politely say to 20C, Hello, excuse me but I'm there, (and point to highlight my window seat.)  My flying partner for today is a very statuesque elderly lady.  She gets up out of her seat and stands aside, by about 2 inches.  Thank you, but I'm not that thin.  Co-passenger shuffles a little further into the aisle to allow me to slide in to my seat.  From there, I have to belt myself up and then belt up my co-passenger as she was sitting on her belt initially.

Lovely lady barely drawers breath for the entire flight.  Well travelled, no children, widow, husband was Tom, one step-child, doesn't live near-by.  Step daughter-in-law dresses inappropriately for age.  Has three trips planned so far this year, the next being The Little Trains of the Pyrenees.  She will be 86 on Sunday, same day as eldest Sister and her Mother, who she talked extensively about, was named Dorothy, the same as mine.

Having cried through most of yesterday evening over work, to now find myself next to this lady who, for the entire flight I am unable to think of anything that is worrying me because I'm engaged in conversation, and now to find that her Mum's name is Dorothy.  Do we think this is a coincidence?

Elderly lady is a VIP in that she needs assistance, the thing with this is that people needing assistance are first on, brilliant, but last off.  And so I am trapped on the plane after landing, until everyone, bar my lady next to me moves.  (I'm marooned next to the window.)  "Are you in a hurry?"
"No, I'm not in any hurry," I lied.

What seemed like an eternity later, my co-passenger stood up and made her way to the door and I swiftly followed.

Air steward at the door piped up; "Well that was an interesting flight for you!"  It absolutely was and I wouldn't swap it for a boring one if you paid me, thanks very much.

JR meets me at the airport and Helen meets us at Wagamama's, this is becoming tradition since I started landing at lunch time.  I spill my guts about work and the odd salty tear escapes but Helen is as positive as always and decides new manager is in some way threatened.  How, God only knows but my Mum always used to say if someone was being a bitch or a bully, it's because they were jealous or threatened in some way.  I never understood what anyone would have to be jealous of me about but I've doled this advice out myself to youngsters and in the absence of any other excuse, maybe she is?  God only knows why.

January

Col we're now at the opposite end of January from when we last caught up.

I'm going to give you a potted history of the year so far. 
Let's start with the positives shall we?
I feel at home on my new team, at my new desk, on my new floor.
I absolutely LOVE my yoga course.  Week one, I roll up 30 minutes early, park up, not sure I've parked in an OK spot.  It's pitch dark.  I wait in car for 15 minutes then see other people begin to arrive and walk through the door.  I get out of the car and walk towards the door, as I do so, two women turn the corner and head for the door but turn around and begin staring at me.  I look behind and car isn't sticking out.  Check my legs, yes, I am wearing pants.  Maybe they're looking at something behind me.  Another couple of feet later, (I'm as blind as a bat especially in the dark,) and the two women staring at me are no longer in silhouette, they are Tracy and her Mum.  What are the odds eh?  Tracy and I hadn't even mentioned the course to each other and here we are, signed up for the duration.

Our teacher Ali, is amazing, it's all very relaxed, you just go where your body lets you.  Ali demonstrates, explains, tells you which bits of your body is being worked if you couldn't tell and may throw the odd legend in there too.  The room is beautifully lit and there are candles burning.  I think I can smell incense.

At one point, Tracy and I are next to each other on mats, flat on our backs in a, I think, happy pigeon pose and Tracy pipes up; "I bet 20 years ago you didn't imagine we'd be here did you?"  She's absolutely right and when I got home and did the maths, it's actually 25 years can you believe?

Anyway, the lesson I learnt in that first class is that I am impatient, no, actually I knew that, just didn't realise how in a rush I am.  (It's not the same, I know what I mean.)  We had to learn how to breath properly, in through the nose, chest expands, collar bones rise slightly.  At one point, we were lying on our backs, arms on the floor, slightly away from our bodies, palms up, fingers gently curling.  We had to stay there for five breaths and my thoughts went something like this;

In through the nose, chest expands, collar bones raise slightly
In through the nose, chest expands, collar bones raise slightly
In through the, I think we're on four now, yes this must be four by now
In through the, this must be the last one
This is a long time, this must be five by now
Are we done?
Thank God

Needless to say, I need to practice this.

I like my new desk, new floor, team are lovely
I've starting doing the stairs twice a day to my floor, that's 300 steps up each time, (8 floors.)
Food is getting back on track, less crisps more broccoli
Burpees!  Yes, my VERY modified burpees are still going strong, I haven't missed a single day and it's actually become a big of a habit, an automatic reflex, I put on my mascara in the morning and hit the floor in my bedroom while it dries then carry on with my eyeliner.  Getting easier and arms are looking more toned.

I think I had a bit of a virus but by the end of January, I felt less tired all the time and a bit more hopeful.

Back on the healthy food bandwagon, pretty happy about how I'm fuelling my body.

And now, the negatives;

My new manager seems to have taken an immediate dislike to me.  Do you remember that God awful manager we had at the bank?  She made my life miserable and used to throw things at me when no one else was around?  Well, this one is no where near that bad but she's a bit of a bitch.  The woman who started on the same day as me... she loves, me... not so much.  No training to speak of just an overview of the team.  She was on leave for one week of this month and the other three weeks, she just keeps asking me have I done this or done that.  She hasn't taken the time to explain what this and that are or told me that these are tasks that my new role require, I'm just supposed to know, through osmosis I believe.  And so, I am a constant disappointment.  My last day in work, four weeks into job and three weeks with new manager and my first review goes like this;

How do you think it's gone?
Me.. not very well, you keep asking me if I've done things I didn't even know I was supposed to be doing.
Manager.. well you've been with the department for a few years
Me.. Yes and I can do my old role for you with my eyes closed, I've never done this role
Manger... Well I'll need to take this to my manager.

And then... on the 30th Jan, I get home to see a message on my phone from eldest sister which reads; "call me when you can."  You know that we're not in touch regularly so this can only mean one thing, that something is wrong.

Bee is, as we speak, in an ambulance on the way to hospital with pneumonia.

Happy New Year! (aka... Here we go again.)

Happy New Year Col, it's the 2nd of Jan and I'm exhausted from reading all of the positive messages from my Instagram people.  I'm going to be taking baby steps because we all know that if you go full throttle into a New Year with tons of changes, then nothing usually sticks.

Anyway, it's cold and dark and raining and I go back to work tomorrow after almost two weeks off and I'm starting a new job, that's right... no sleep for me tonight.

January is all about living by numbers for me, what I mean is that I just do stuff that I know I need to do.  My brain has enough trouble readjusting to getting up at silly o'clock and doing a day's work, five days a week, 2 hours a day driving etc.etc.

Here we go... living by numbers, (for me anyway):

You get up at 4.30am, therefore you need to be in bed between 8.30pm and 9.00pm.

You should be asleep as close to 9.00pm as possible

Make breakfast every morning and take it with you to work, my favourite work breakfast is a ham and avocado pita with cherry toms on the side and it's exquisite with a Starbucks coffee.

Take healthy snacks to work; clementine's, apples, almonds, Nairn's fine milled oatcakes

Prep veg ready for healthy home made soup for tea, (add red lentils, ground flaxseed and miso.)

2 litres of water minimum per day Monday - Friday

New Entry: 10 (very) modified burpees per day

New Entry: 5 minutes of foam rolling per day

10,000 minimum steps per day, (my daily target is 14,500 but for the day's that I can't leave my desk...)

New Entry: Tell yourself one positive thing to say about yourself every day, (I haven't sussed this one out yet and don't know how to even start.)

Not many new additions but I also need to get back to my daily rituals as listed above.

In addition, I've also tonight, signed up for a 6 week yoga course, it's more about history and meaning and most basic of basics.  I actually can't remember the last time I went to a class.... at a venue.... with other people.  Scary.  Anyway, at worst, I won't go and it'll be a total waste of money but I'm going to try.  I did yoga for a little while about 20 years ago, maybe more and all I can remember is going with Sheila and laughing through a huge part of it when we couldn't get up.  I realise I need to be more zen this time around.  (Scared, excited, nothing to wear.)

I'll keep you posted.  Love you x

Rings

For reasons too numerous to mention, and after years of uncomfortable conversations and furtive looks, it's just easier to not wear my Mum's rings when I visit some family.  Christmas Eve, I removed my rings and placed them safely in my purse.  Christmas Day evening, I'm at home, at one end of the dining room when I take the rings out of my purse... and promptly drop one.  I hear it land on the floor but I don't see where it finally rested.

I spent 40 minutes on my hands and knees with my face placed for the most part on the carpet.  It's no where to be found.  The next day, I'm travelling up to see my cousin an hour away and it's still dark when I leave so the light isn't good but I have another quick search and tell myself not to worry, it has got to be there, I just can't see it.

I return home the following night, in the dark, and with poor light once more.  Still, before bed, I scour the dining room with torch in one hand and carpet to face for the duration.  I even bounce a similar ring from the spot I dropped the original to analyse how and if it bounced and where it would have eventually landed.  Mum's engagement ring to the love of her life, was no where to be found and even though, logically, I couldn't have lost it, I might as well have done.  My heart was heavy.

That night, I headed for bed, not defeated, (it had to be there somewhere,) but a little sad.  It just wasn't anywhere to be found.  As I closed my bedroom door, I said; "Please God, help me to find it."  I was looking down as I opened my eyes and there, next to my foot, was the ring.

I heard the ring drop onto the carpet.  I pick my feet up when I walk, I don't shuffle from one room to another so it can't have been kicked along.  How did the ring travel fifty feet from where it was dropped?

Do I think that someone found the ring and placed it where I could see it?  I do.  I know this sounds ridiculous but there are some things you just can't explain, even if you try really hard.  I've tried and I can't explain it.