December 30.5

Yesterday afternoon, I phoned my cousin to wish her a belated Happy Birthday, there is a large age difference but in another time, I think we would have made great friends, she talks so straight to me, talks to me like a friend, no frills, no pleasantries, very straight and just what a person needs. 

When I asked what my cousin would be doing for New Year, she told me then added, 'New Year hasn't been the same since your Mum's.' Mum always used to throw New Year's Eve parties and I'm not sure what the protocol was, I just knew, when I was a kid that at New Year, everyone showed up, my sisters, their husbands and kids, my cousin's, their kids, sometimes their kids friends, neighbours, it was just an open house and so exciting, I spent the whole day waiting for everyone to arrive. 

Around 11.50p.m. I would hurry everyone to get their coats and usher them out of our back door, through the garden, down the path, out of the garden gate, follow the path around the back, to the front of the house, we'd then walk around and around the grass verge in front of the house linking arms usually with my brother's-in-law George or Jim or my cousin's.  Someone would have the car radio on so that we could hear the official count down, we'd all stop at the appropriate time, link arms and hold hands, countdown out load from 10 - to - Happy New Year!  Kiss everyone 'Happy New Year' then sing 'Auld Lang Syne' before allowing the male with the darkest head of hair to knock on the door, in his pocket he carried coal, silver, bread and salt.  The rest of us would line up behind the chosen one.

Mum would always stay in, she was the one who opened the door to the New Year and we'd all file in, one by one, wish her 'Happy New Year' and kiss her on the cheek.  The kids, of which there were many at the time, nieces, nephews, cousins, they all, one by one, fell fast asleep on Mum's bed or fell asleep then were carried to Mum's bed, and ended up, covered in coats until it was time to load them into cars for them to be driven home.

As the years went on, the dark hair turned grey and eventually, people stopped knocking on the door just after midnight. 

I can't remember when the last one of those nights was, but I don't think I've felt part of a family since that last night.  Part of a whole family that is.  It all began to unravel shortly after the last one.