Looking Back

So we're nearing the end of 2012 and let's not beat around the bush, it wasn't the best was it?  Full of worry and stress and sadness and of course saying goodbye, whether that was to incredibly special people, who could never to be replaced, family, dear friends, jobs, people that made us happy, made us feel special, made us feel secure.  It was a year of loss for us, but mostly for you.

Christmas is about spending the day with those that you love, if you can, and we both did that.  My day was planned with military precision so that I could see everyone I was supposed to, but it all worked out and I had a lovely day.  I spent our Boxing Day, the day after Christmas, also with those that I love, except instead of presents on that day, I got one of my at least, bi-annual lectures.  The person who lectures me does it from a place of love and I know that he means well but in reality, he hasn't a clue about my true situation and I just want to tell him that he is quite frankly, talking out of his hat, but I would never do that... because he means well and because he cares.  So I sit there and take the berating. Why do I live in a property with that many bedrooms when there is just me?  Why this? Why that?  I sit like a scolded child because otherwise, I would point out that actually, he doesn't understand me at all and all of his seemingly good suggestions are actually supremely flawed and totally inaccurate for me but I would never point that out because then I would make him wrong, so I take it and I'm close to tears but I suck it in, until the next lecture.

The journey home was not good, heavy rain, a mostly hour long, downhill journey with so much surface water on the roads, I didn't feel like I could feel the tarmac, I dropped my speed to 50 for most of the journey, even that wasn't slow enough.

After calling in at my eldest sister's on the way home on Boxing Day, I finally got home about 5pm, phoned my brother-in-law to wish him a belated Merry Christmas, he was working on Christmas Day, watched some TV and then went to bed and slept in fits and starts waiting for my alarm to go off ready for work.  I did that thing several times where you hear your alarm go off, and you wake with a start, but the alarm was only in my head.

Work wasn't too bad on Thursday, think I was on my own for the first 1.5 hours, I left at 2pm board out of my skull.  My two 'nearest' people, J and Bee are both unavailable.. via the phone, so it's just me this evening.