Work Hard for a Living?

So, a psychic told me many years ago that I would never be rich and I would always need to work two jobs.  It's been a few years since I worked a full time and a part time job, but I think the time has come for me to find a new, part time job. 

I've been deluged with bills and expenditure these past few weeks, root canal here, road tax there, prescriptions, medication, wedding, birthdays, car repairs.  The list is endless and the bills are mounting.

After a medium sized melt down, (a few sleepless nights and many tears,) I've come to a conclusion.  No, it won't fix immediate and pressing problem (or probably save tooth,) but I'm thinking long term.

For a while now, I have had this nagging feeling that time is running out.  (If I stop posting altogether then you'll know that it eventually really did run out.)  I'm now thinking if I do get a new second job, to go along side the full time job, then I can clear my mortgage, make all necessary improvements, make unnecessary improvements, (decor etc.) take holidays (to you mainly,) visit my friends down south more often and who knows what else?

At the moment, I'm working to pay bills, that's all.  And then... at times like this, the bills aren't even covered.

I believe that you get several attempts at this life, to learn lessons, to attempt to get it right, to be a fully formed soul.  I've always felt like an old soul and then one day, many moons ago, I purchased an astrological reading which, if you believe it, I was told that I had been here many times before and that this journey would be one of my last, I am an old soul.  We can believe what we like,  but that information feels true.

I have had many instances before this to know that I felt like I had been here before, a combination of deja vu and a smart mouth, smart beyond my years.  (Can you imagine a smart, worldly wise mouth on a child?)

So what if this is one of my last journeys?  I would like to be able to live in a place that I love, within calm and serene surroundings, to visit those places on my bucket list and to be surrounded by or at least, be able to visit those people that I adore.

I'm not asking for fast cars, fancy houses or priceless trinkets.  I don't think that I'm asking for too much, do you?

Blue

Hi Sweetie.  Your out-of-the-blue phone call last night cheered me up no end, although I had to try hard all the way through our long conversation, not to cry.  I was happy, emotional, and I miss you.

I can't tell you how happy it made me to hear your voice, (even though the line wasn't great,) and to talk to you, I know you moved years ago but I still miss you so much.

Anyway, not that I wasn't happy to hear from you or that I don't miss you horribly, but I'm additionally, so emotional at the moment and I have no idea why.  I thought I was ready for a break and just overtired but after a week off work, my first break since Christmas, I'm slightly less tired but still really emotional, about everything, and anything.

Films, TV, music, photographs, adverts, comments, clothing, you name it, everywhere I look, everywhere I am seems to remind me of some of the saddest moments of my life.  Things I haven't thought about for years play out in my head like a scene from a film.  I can be driving along in the sunshine with only my sunglasses to hide the tears.

I've started jogging again in the hope of lifting my spirits.  Nine out of the last ten days, I've jogged (slash) run 2km in 20 minutes, I just need to keep it up when I get back to work.  I know that it's hard after an early start, a long day, a two hour drive and more often than not; nausea, to then get home, get changed, lace up the trainers and 'just do it.'  The last time I visited my GP, about said tum, conversation moved to my BP meds and she questioned if I was; 'still exercising?'  You know that I  can't lie.  'I did today!  But...'  'I know, your stomach has been bad recently.'  The Doctor filled in the blanks and what she said was true but the bigger truth is that I haven't jogged consistently for a while and my, as I like to call her, 'hippy dippy doctor,' is all about the yoga pose to cure a bad back... which she will demonstrate.  I am of course affectionately teasing, you know that I'm a big believer in keeping yourself healthy and doing what you can to help yourself and keep yourself well.  (Although that hasn't stopped me cursing her in the past when I felt like I was made of iron and fused at every joint and I was in total agony and I just needed drugs... what I got was a pose to try.  Time and a place people.)

I've listened to a lot of music while I've been off and isn't it amazing how great music can make you feel?  I'm listening to a documentary; 'Coldplay Live 2012' as I write.  'Viva la Vida' has just started, I just want to get up and dance or run.  I've  headed for my regular Starbucks every morning while I've been off and the soundtrack they've played all week has 'Kiss Me' playing right at the beginning.  Makes me smile, and sing along each time.  Thank God for music.

God the Coldplay 'wrist band' thing on the documentary has now made me well up.  I am a lost cause.

And now 'Fix You' which I remember playing in the car, with you, on the way home from Sue's Hen Night.  I'm gone.

Love you x

Blurred Dreams

Last night, I dreamt that a school friend of mine, was alive and well, her Grandma was there as was her close friend, who was once the girlfriend of my current... friend.

My school friend died of breast cancer, about fifteen years ago.  I have no idea why she came to me in my dreams, but you know me Col, I don't believe in coincidences and I am desperately trying to connect the dots.  My friend was only here a short while but made a lasting impression and left two, beautiful children in this world.  Meeting her daughter last year for the first time, stopped me in my tracks.  She is the beautiful, spitting image of her Mother.

I have no idea what message I was supposed to receive, so I'm opting for the obvious, that life is too short.

In the words of Conchita Wurst, my current heroine; "you just get one life you know, and you'd better make it fabulous."