Blue

Hi Sweetie.  Your out-of-the-blue phone call last night cheered me up no end, although I had to try hard all the way through our long conversation, not to cry.  I was happy, emotional, and I miss you.

I can't tell you how happy it made me to hear your voice, (even though the line wasn't great,) and to talk to you, I know you moved years ago but I still miss you so much.

Anyway, not that I wasn't happy to hear from you or that I don't miss you horribly, but I'm additionally, so emotional at the moment and I have no idea why.  I thought I was ready for a break and just overtired but after a week off work, my first break since Christmas, I'm slightly less tired but still really emotional, about everything, and anything.

Films, TV, music, photographs, adverts, comments, clothing, you name it, everywhere I look, everywhere I am seems to remind me of some of the saddest moments of my life.  Things I haven't thought about for years play out in my head like a scene from a film.  I can be driving along in the sunshine with only my sunglasses to hide the tears.

I've started jogging again in the hope of lifting my spirits.  Nine out of the last ten days, I've jogged (slash) run 2km in 20 minutes, I just need to keep it up when I get back to work.  I know that it's hard after an early start, a long day, a two hour drive and more often than not; nausea, to then get home, get changed, lace up the trainers and 'just do it.'  The last time I visited my GP, about said tum, conversation moved to my BP meds and she questioned if I was; 'still exercising?'  You know that I  can't lie.  'I did today!  But...'  'I know, your stomach has been bad recently.'  The Doctor filled in the blanks and what she said was true but the bigger truth is that I haven't jogged consistently for a while and my, as I like to call her, 'hippy dippy doctor,' is all about the yoga pose to cure a bad back... which she will demonstrate.  I am of course affectionately teasing, you know that I'm a big believer in keeping yourself healthy and doing what you can to help yourself and keep yourself well.  (Although that hasn't stopped me cursing her in the past when I felt like I was made of iron and fused at every joint and I was in total agony and I just needed drugs... what I got was a pose to try.  Time and a place people.)

I've listened to a lot of music while I've been off and isn't it amazing how great music can make you feel?  I'm listening to a documentary; 'Coldplay Live 2012' as I write.  'Viva la Vida' has just started, I just want to get up and dance or run.  I've  headed for my regular Starbucks every morning while I've been off and the soundtrack they've played all week has 'Kiss Me' playing right at the beginning.  Makes me smile, and sing along each time.  Thank God for music.

God the Coldplay 'wrist band' thing on the documentary has now made me well up.  I am a lost cause.

And now 'Fix You' which I remember playing in the car, with you, on the way home from Sue's Hen Night.  I'm gone.

Love you x