Guess where I am? Well, the last time I wrote in my journal was the last time I was headed to my friends down South, and that was fifteen months ago.
Right this second, I'm in Costa, with a glass of holiday Chardonnay and a tiny packet of contraband cashews which I purchased at the supermarket this morning, (didn't fancy crisps.) A lot has happened to us all in fifteen months. My 'a lot' has happened most recently, the past month especially has been fraught with tears, exhaustion, worry and sleeplessness. I almost reached my limit, my limit being, I wasn't sure I could continue to function normally, get up at 4.30am, go to work, do a decent job, get home fifteen hours later to grab a bite to eat then try to get some sleep.
With a recent and frightening reminder that life should not be taken for granted, that those we love should not be taken for granted, I am once again, looking at my life from above, and reviewing.
A couple of nights ago, the ridiculousness of my relationship finally dawned on me, I finally got it. I am totally done with analysing and trying to fathom out, what it is. I actually felt strong, independent and content with my lot. It's not that I'm saying goodbye to all that, I just feel like my grip is a little looser on the situation. Just as I was getting to feel comfortable with the new perspective, he sent me a gorgeous, black and white head shot. Damn, he's handsome.
Given that nothing lasts forever, although I do believe in life after death and in reincarnation... what if I'm wrong? What if this is it? What if he is the funny, flawed, gentle, handsome, love of my life?
Then, there is my childhood friend, who I see maybe twice a year, who I don't think of in 'that way', but he makes my sides split with laughter, I can say anything to him, he thinks I'm weird/funny, I am totally comfortable with him. I wish that I saw more of him, he brightens my day.
You forget that you need to be pretty fit to travel. The time at the airport speeds along. Not sure how far I've walked, carpet or no carpet, seems like quite a way. My flight is called and we process through the gate and down a gangway, down a staircase and onto tarmac, where we board a bus. I step up and shuffle to a pole, grab hold of pole, instantly regretting not re-applying the hand sanitiser right before. I wedge my case, firmly between my legs, assume second position and clench my buttocks to act as shock absorbers.
Ten minutes later and after a slight delay waiting to see if two stragglers are in fact joining the flight, we take off into the hazy sunshine. I can't wait to see everyone.
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