The recommended weekly consumption of alcohol, measured by unit, has been decreased recently here in the UK, it's literally nothing. It's basically three glasses of wine... for the week. The entire week. I'm not kidding. Anyway, the news got me Googling and I stumbled upon 'Mrs D is Giving Up', a brilliant blog from a Kiwi Mum deciding to go tee-total.
I'm still reading, but I recognise myself already. Not sure I'm in the same league... at the beginning of the story or in strength, but I get the gist. The ironic thing is, I used to lie about drinking alcohol. I'd say I had a Bacardi and Diet Coke, or a Tia Maria and Diet Coke, when it was in fact, just a Diet Coke. All that changed when Mum died and I just wanted to check out and not think. I came to love the blur, I was thankful for it and relied upon it.
99% of the time, I don't even enjoy a drink anymore, it was all just a numbing mechanism and it does nothing for me these days except give me insomnia, wrinkles, a few lbs on the scales and a puffiness around the face, not to mention the tiredness and persistent brain fog.
My close friend declared last night, 'I don't get drinking a whole bottle of wine, why not just have one glass and enjoy it?' Why indeed. This comes from the picture of health, with skin so glowing it's almost blinding... and he's a man. Do I really need a more powerful hint?
I'm not sure I would be able to do a 'Mrs D' and give up totally, forever, but I do need to change. We have a friend battling cancer, how dare I do this to myself when I know the associated risks. I still have chest pain despite the increased Blood Pressure medication and I'm convinced the toxins I'm pouring into my system are to blame. I think my Mum would understand, but be worried. For a very long time, I didn't care, now I'm starting to care.
Clear thoughts are so fleeting these days but I have come to love the fog. Still, despite the mistiness, I think that there is a glaring beacon, slap bang in front of me, possibly a fog horn in my ear.
No sooner have I typed in the words above than I hear that one of me nearest and most dearest is undergoing tests, but she didn't want to worry me before hand. God that annoys me. I've just finished giving the pep, but realistic talk, you know... it's probably nothing, but if it is, it's different these days, it's not like it used to be when we both lost blah blah blah... it's different now. And here I am, wondering, if it is the case, would God grant me the strength to deal with and support through this, without alcohol?
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