Sunday, 6 August 2017

Preparation

Mum had me late in life and I have always known that if I didn't have a child by the time I was the same age as Mum was when she had me, then that was the nail in the coffin.  The confirmation.  The finish line.  No baby for me.

Have you read that people who die, shortly before they pass away, that they put everything in order?  Organise, sort, label?  Mum did, all of her things were perfectly organised and where necessary, items had notes accompanying them, who things were for, the history behind the item etc.  It's not the first time I've heard of this and these are not people with a terminal illness, somehow, their soul just knows to get things in order.

Anyway, it's not that I think I'm going anywhere soon, but I do have a growing need to sort out, give away what I need to, I mean, I've been the custodian of so much of Mum's stuff, most things I've redistributed over the years, now it's down to the nitty gritty, large pieces of furniture and photographs.  So many photographs.  Think it's time to start looking at them one last time, and then distribute.  I have no one to leave them to, I may as well share them out now.

When I do eventually leave this mortal coil, I expect it will be CJ who is left to sort everything out and so I want to make things as easy for him as possible.

Anyone who's lost anyone and has had to sort through their belongings knows how hard it is.  I don't want him to have a difficult time therefore, I have to get rid.

As I'm writing, Bee, custodian of family graves phones to ask, when she's gone, will I visit the family graves to talk to her?  I haven't visited for years simply because I haven't felt the need to.  It was Mum who told me that you don't have to visit church to talk to God, that you can talk to him from the kitchen sink and he'll hear you.  I assume the same goes for family members.

I tell her that I will, but that she knows she's not going to be there, and I can talk to her anytime but she seems to think that conversation at the cemetery is the hot line to heaven.  I'll have to work on that.

You know what I need just now?  I need a Ray from Top of the Lake: China Girl.  I need a non sexual hug from a Ray and I need to sleep on his floor, under his watchful, caring gaze.  That's what I need just now.

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