Clair What?

I'm sitting here thinking; you are going to sound like a raving lunatic.  But that's OK because maybe I am.  I'm a product of my upbringing and of my beliefs and because you're not here, with me now, physically anyway, I look to others to discuss things.

My Mum was 36 when she lost her Dad, she was the baby and a Daddy's girl and she told me one day, how, standing at the kitchen sink, she had heard his voice say 'Babs', and felt him touch her shoulder... this was after he was gone. Another time,  Mum told me what Nanna had told her about how much God loved her.  I've just always known, that there is a God, that he would always love me, that there is something after this life and that yes, you can communicate once you pass over. 

I know this for sure and I have always known this to be true.  Can't tell you how many examples of communication I've had since then, but do you trust me to be true?

So, I had a reading almost 12 months ago and I've had another 2 in about a month.  This is not advised.  Do not do as I have done.  I was so desperate to talk about things and to gain some guidance, that I pushed the boundaries.

Don't get me wrong, while I'm a believer, my walls are high and they have to work to connect.  I will not say 'yes I know that name' or 'yes, I know what you mean', if I don't know that name or if I don't know what they're talking about.

Connection to me is only ever absolutely 100% correct.  Which helps me to accept and validate.  By the way, I'm not accepting or validating my family, just those passing on the message, I know that my family are there.

This week, it was a telephone consult.  Apparently my Dad came through.  I called him Jack for most of my life but in the past couple of years, I've alternated between Jack and Dad when I refer to him.  I always felt the term Dad was to be earned, guess I'm getting soft.

When I've had readings before, even if the Medium has told me 'Dad' is here, he is quickly pushed aside by Mum.  Tonight, there is no mention of Mum, it's all about Dad.  'He has a sharp mind, he went to his grave with regrets, he had a photo of you in his wallet, he saw a lot of life, he wore a police uniform, you're his baby girl, he's trying to make up for lost time'. About 50% of that I know is true, I hope the rest is too but I have no way to validate.

This is a lot to take in.  The reason why I called my Dad, Jack for so long was because I, we, Mum and I were abandoned when I was around 4.  Depending on who you believe that is, some people leave, some people are asked to leave.  What do I believe?

Whatever the reason, I believe that none of us are perfect and I choose to believe that he is now, watching over me.

The Medium tells me that I am clairaudient and that I only have to think to connect.  Always had stuff in my head, which I trusted was just me and I've heard things that I can't explain, even in the last couple of weeks, but never really thought about it, certainly didn't give it a name.

I could go on for hours but  I'm going to cut to the chase; my love life... There is no future in it and I should end it.  The phrase 'loveable sociopath' was actually used.  (I've looked up 'sociopath' and I disagree by the way, but I do know what she means.)   The truth is, I know that there isn't any future in it, but I love him, so what do I do?

Post Everything

So we're post birthday, post eclipse and I feel.... pretty much the same except that I've had a ton more sleep and am regaining signs of being human again.

Most of my birthday was spent with Everly... Great Niece, literally.  She calls me Kiki, which for an under two year old, is close enough.  I love her so.  She know me, which is all I cared about.  I was so worried that because I see her so infrequently, she wouldn't know me.  But she does.  I'm Kiki.

My two weeks off work is almost over and I really haven't done very much.  I haven't started any of the plans I had, mostly around working out but I feel that is coming, right now, I'm all about the slumber, I can't believe how much I've been sleeping, we're talking nine hours a night, who gets to do that?  I'm lucky if I can clock seven usually.

I did have physio on Wednesday, I was pretty much given a lecture, in a very nice way, about how bad my current work situation is for my body.  Did you know that to correct what 8 hours at a desk does to your body, you need to exercise for an hour?  So I would need to exercise for about 90 minutes a night to correct my day.  When would I eat before bed?  Also, how not having a lunch break, even ten minutes is bad for your brain, bad for your Psyche, bad for every cell of you actually.  All of this I know, a thousand times I know, but I found myself in this vortex.

Anyway, Vicki worked her magic once again and while my neck isn't 100%, it's much better than pre session.  It's a long time since I felt this bad physically and I need to fix it, maybe it's a reflection?

My last Friday off before returning to work was spent with Jan.  I wasn't motivated to do anything (shocker) and would have been quite happy to go for coffee then be depressed at home but my sister bombarded me with options and so, I relented and chose one and had a lovely last day, (I know that I still have Saturday and Sunday but it's my last official work day off.)

It's three days away but I'm already thinking of work.