Clair What?

I'm sitting here thinking; you are going to sound like a raving lunatic.  But that's OK because maybe I am.  I'm a product of my upbringing and of my beliefs and because you're not here, with me now, physically anyway, I look to others to discuss things.

My Mum was 36 when she lost her Dad, she was the baby and a Daddy's girl and she told me one day, how, standing at the kitchen sink, she had heard his voice say 'Babs', and felt him touch her shoulder... this was after he was gone. Another time,  Mum told me what Nanna had told her about how much God loved her.  I've just always known, that there is a God, that he would always love me, that there is something after this life and that yes, you can communicate once you pass over. 

I know this for sure and I have always known this to be true.  Can't tell you how many examples of communication I've had since then, but do you trust me to be true?

So, I had a reading almost 12 months ago and I've had another 2 in about a month.  This is not advised.  Do not do as I have done.  I was so desperate to talk about things and to gain some guidance, that I pushed the boundaries.

Don't get me wrong, while I'm a believer, my walls are high and they have to work to connect.  I will not say 'yes I know that name' or 'yes, I know what you mean', if I don't know that name or if I don't know what they're talking about.

Connection to me is only ever absolutely 100% correct.  Which helps me to accept and validate.  By the way, I'm not accepting or validating my family, just those passing on the message, I know that my family are there.

This week, it was a telephone consult.  Apparently my Dad came through.  I called him Jack for most of my life but in the past couple of years, I've alternated between Jack and Dad when I refer to him.  I always felt the term Dad was to be earned, guess I'm getting soft.

When I've had readings before, even if the Medium has told me 'Dad' is here, he is quickly pushed aside by Mum.  Tonight, there is no mention of Mum, it's all about Dad.  'He has a sharp mind, he went to his grave with regrets, he had a photo of you in his wallet, he saw a lot of life, he wore a police uniform, you're his baby girl, he's trying to make up for lost time'. About 50% of that I know is true, I hope the rest is too but I have no way to validate.

This is a lot to take in.  The reason why I called my Dad, Jack for so long was because I, we, Mum and I were abandoned when I was around 4.  Depending on who you believe that is, some people leave, some people are asked to leave.  What do I believe?

Whatever the reason, I believe that none of us are perfect and I choose to believe that he is now, watching over me.

The Medium tells me that I am clairaudient and that I only have to think to connect.  Always had stuff in my head, which I trusted was just me and I've heard things that I can't explain, even in the last couple of weeks, but never really thought about it, certainly didn't give it a name.

I could go on for hours but  I'm going to cut to the chase; my love life... There is no future in it and I should end it.  The phrase 'loveable sociopath' was actually used.  (I've looked up 'sociopath' and I disagree by the way, but I do know what she means.)   The truth is, I know that there isn't any future in it, but I love him, so what do I do?