1% Risk

So you know that I failed my last 24 hour blood pressure test, and I plea bargained with my parole officer, (doctor, she's very nice really,) to give me one last chance, in a few months time, when life would hopefully be less stressful?  That was January, so rewind to a few weeks ago in May and I rocked up to the surgery to give it a whirl one more time.  It was over a Friday/Saturday.  I took the day off work to be extra calm, (you're supposed to have a "normal" day but I didn't want to take the chance.)  I wasn't sure my plan had worked.  I didn't check every 30 minute reading, but the ones that I did check, were high.

I returned the monitor to the surgery on Monday and on Tuesday, the nurse phoned me at work with the results and to put me out of my misery, tests, of any kind, make me anxious.  Nurse reels off a string of numbers which I can't write down as I've left my desk to take the call on my mobile and forgot to bring a pen.  Long story short, BP was high in the day and normal while I slept, this is a major leap forward as last time, it was high, even while I slept.  So... averaged out, nurse thinks I may have just scraped through.  "If you don't hear anything from your GP, it's fine!"  What a relief.

Two days later, I received a letter from my General Practicioner, asking me to make an appointment to discuss recent investigation.  Two weeks after that, I'm seated in my doctor's office and she's smiling at me.  "So the appointment is about your blood pressure?"  We cut to the chase and she is not happy with the daytime readings and so I'm on meds, that's that, no discussion.  Doctor matter-of-factly tells me that I have a 1% risk of heart disease in the next 10 years. All I could think about was a skyscraper sized number "1" right in front of me. I got the feeling that this information was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn't, I need context.  For instance, do I have a 1% chance of becoming a nun?  Of marrying Ryan Gosling?  Of being struck by lightening at the exact moment I was being hit by a bus?  I even tried to do the math but mathematics was never my strong point, 1 in 100 people x 10 years...

I've been a little disappointed, worried and dizzy this week, (the dizziness is due to the meds until my body gets used to them.)  I had hoped to get this under control naturally but doctor advised that it could be genetic.  Jack, my Dad died, I think at 59 with a heart attack, so maybe it is genetic and it's not something that I have created.

Next on the agenda is an ECG in a few weeks, just to make sure that some of the chambers of my heart are not larger than they should be.  I'm having very weird dreams and when I go to bed, all I can hear is my heartbeat, and it doesn't sound normal, last night, it sounded too fast followed by long pauses.  This is probably all in my head, or at least, in my ear drums.

Millions of people around the world live happily and long, with high blood pressure, I just need a small amount of time to digest the fact that I have it too.