June 22nd

This week, after recently, being lovingly yet undeniably reprimanded by certain people, via Ivy, I made a concerted effort on the healthy/clean living front.  I'm not saying that it was easy, but it was more a case of mind over matter.

Wednesday, I went with a few others to visit a potential employer, it was actually a different branch, of the place that I left in October.  The visit was very disappointing.  Very little information and little hope.

I did however get a couple of emails the following day, from friends Mr O and Mr P, asking why I hadn't stopped by to visit them... on my visit.  Truth was, we were herded around a different floor and with security, I couldn't have got to either of their floors anyway.  It was nice to be missed though.

Thursday, I had a wobble.  I'm surrounded by people doing so well, and then, there's me.  I know that sounds like I have a touch of the green eyed monsters, but I am extremely happy for them all and I would not wish for them, anything else.  I just feel useless and pointless at the moment, and a bit of a failure.  Plus, I'm hormonal, which probably isn't helping.

I'm no longer dizzy from the blood pressure meds.  I need to get an ECG and blood tests this week.  With the building closing, work will officially declare me,"at risk" on September 2nd.  I need to start applying for jobs immediately, need to continue keeping an eye on blood pressure but meds seem to be working... mostly.  Need to end relationship. Blah blah blah.

I volunteered for overtime on Sunday, there has been an overtime ban for months and I thought this would pay for my new passport.  By lunchtime I'd had a text to say that those in on Saturday had completed all the work so I wasn't needed on Sunday, no overtime = no passport.  Such is my luck. 

I keep getting knocked over and keep getting back up.  I'm starting to think that I should take the hint and just stay down.  What do you think?