11/11

Today is Sunday, my friend Carol texted last night to ask if I'd be at Starbucks this morning and so we arranged to meet.  Carol is a tall, pretty, whirlwind who manages to speed up time.  Any time you're with her, it just whisks by.  We chatted at breakneck speed to cram everything in, in the little time we had.  It was lovely to catch up. 

After a brief shopping expedition, (French Connection... no purchases.) I observed the two minutes silence for armistice day in my car, listening to sounds from the Cenotaph at 11am from BBC Radio2 and largely thinking of my Grandad who was severely wounded in WWI.

My Grandad was in the Home Guard in WWII, due to age and disability.  Have you ever seen "Dad's Army?"  It was a show from the 1970's, it's a classic which sadly isn't shown much any more.  The comedy is based on the Home Guard of the Second World War, one of the character's was "Jones," played by Clive Dunn. Clive Dunn played old codgers for the best part of this life, he played old even when he was far from old, but this week, at the age of 92, he passed away in Portugal.  I have very fond memories of this actor and all of the kids TV programmes he was in, I think it's quite fitting for him to leave us this week.  A former serviceman himself, he will be remembered.

In the wake of Doctor-gate and the Manuka Honey debacle, I'm wondering what else can I do to help myself, I have a week and a half before I head down to Southampton for a catch up with friends.  I'm thinking I'm going to factor in oily fish and leafy greens, as that's all that's missing from my usual, pretty healthy diet.  My doctor really can't say that I'm not trying.

Having said that, I'm considering, (and I have been for the past 24 months,) going for physio.  I've been for my "angels wings," (that's shoulder blades that stick out to you and me,) but my back and neck are no fun.  It may be the arthritis but if there is anything I can do to aid sleep and lessen pain, then I'm all for it.  I'm very close to booking an appointment.

I've totally lost the plot and so, back to Remembrance Sunday, and after my little bit of shopping, I head to darling nephew CJ's for coffee after my invite arrives via text .  All is not well, Cooke, the cat, seems to have been in a fight with something and is lethargic and craving CJ's bed, so much so that CJ, being the soft touch that he is, when Cooke was sprawled in the middle of CJ's bed last night... darling nephew slept on the sofa, some woman, somewhere, will be extremely lucky to end up with him, I mean CJ, although Cooke is also an asset. 

CJ is obviously worried about Cooke and the pair will pay a visit to the vets tomorrow and I wait with baited breath for an update.

Egg and chips for lunch/tea and then B arrives, very late afternoon as she's been dropping stuff off for the church fair next weekend... she's away all next week.

Bee brings me my annual, single persons Christmas hamper.  Normally, although it's given with love, it's usually pretty depressing, microwave turkey dinner for one etc, I'm exaggerating but everything in that basket is a reminder that I'm on my own, single portion of this and single portion of that.  But no, not this year, due to lack of time, B has several holidays booked, back to back, and the fact that B usually chooses things I would never eat and I usually end up giving them back before they reach their expiry date in January, this year's hamper is a small bottle of Baileys, haven't drunk that in years but sure I can help it down with lots of ice, a bottle of wine and £20 to go shopping with for Christmas food.  Best hamper ever and I'm sure I'll buy lots of consumables with that, so far on my list are cheese, crackers, paxo, cranberry, turkey, bread, crisps, wine.  I know... the high life huh?

All Better?

So I went to the see my doctor on Thursday afternoon.  I really like her and she's good, but she is a big believer in natural remedies and don't get me wrong, so am I, but for instance, the last time I went because I was in agony with my back, and had been for weeks, she recommended Pilate's, I know that's good for you, I've done it, but our friend Sheila went with the exact same thing, she was given muscle relaxants to help her through the pain.  Anyway, I knew it would be a waste of time but you hear adverts or read them all the time that tell you not to ignore persistent symptoms, which is why I went.

So I begin... I wouldn't normally bother you with this, but I've had it for 5 weeks now, I sneeze, I have a bit of a sore throat, my glands are up a bit, I have a bit of ear ache, I'm sweaty, I feel run down.  I take paracetamol and ibuprofen all the time.  I take Berocca daily, (fizzy Vit C drink,) I eat fresh ginger almost daily, hot chilies, garlic, lots of fresh veg, I workout. 

I'm advised that my throat and ears are okay, I must be picking up one infection after another, (it's true that there are lots of germs flying around in work with coughs and colds,) and have I tried Manuka Honey?

That's it.  Manuka Honey.  I know, that it has healing properties, a woman I used to work with swore by it, but would it have hurt to give me some antibiotics AND told me to get some Manuka Honey at the same time? 

I didn't have the energy to protest, I look like hell, I know that Dr's are pushed for time but I'd hope if I were the doctor, I would ask a few more questions to investigate what wasn't said.

Anyway, I left the surgery and headed for the nearest supermarket for the honey.  I've been having the honey for three days now, no noticeable change for the better... so far, but I have faith.

Nightmares

I am glad that the working week is over, it was long and trying and no fun at all, the highlight of my week was when the friend that I used to sit next to in my old job mailed me for an update, it was great to hear from him, and he made me smile from at least twenty miles away.

I have swung between sleeping 9 hours a night to 5 then back again, I've felt jet lagged all week, I really must try harder to re-adjust my body clock to my new timings.

I had an appointment to donate blood on Tuesday after work, I wasn't sure if I should go or not, but I feel guilty when I don't go and I didn't know how much of not feeling great is just sadness.

So I roll up at the church I was confirmed at, which is were they are collecting donations.  I've made an appointment rather than just sit and wait forever and it's like a military operation.  I'm whisked through for the pin prick test to see if I'm good to donate.  The droplet of blood the nurse extracts is plopped into the solution and is the most ropey looking sample I've ever seen in my life, it barely stays in droplet format and instantly frays around the edges, it floats for a few seconds then begins to descend to the bottom, not because that is what it's supposed to do, but rather like it doesn't have the energy to stay afloat.  "You're good to go!"  "I am?"  I'm shocked.  I know that if the droplet sinks, that is good, but did not expect sinkage today. 

Anyway, I'm in and out in thirty minutes.  And, can I add that I was chatted up over the orange juice by a quite handsome man?    And I looked like hell, so I get bonus points for that right?  I'm wiped out that night and cannot keep my eyes open past 8pm, which was bad news for the friend I was having a text conversation with.

Friday night I have a wine or two, make myself stay up until 9pm then head for bed.  Been having nightmares all week also, last nights dream was weird, but not a nightmare.  The last one I can remember is that my friend JR decided she wanted to go and clean Richard and Judy's house, (you know the married TV presenters?)  This is all without their knowledge, and I'm not in any way shape or form implying that they need a cleaner, anyhoo, we're there, I'm watching while JR scans for dust, when Richard arrives back in a Land Rover, unexpectedly, I think JR wanted to be in and out without detection.  It's a big old country house in the middle of a gigantic field.  The next minute, I'm on a cruise ship, (cannot think of anything worse,) with terrorists on it...okay, maybe that.  I'm walking past piles of people who have been shot and I'm playing Russian Roulette getting in and out of lifts, not knowing if I'm going to get into a lift, with a terrorist with a gun.  Before you ask, I have not been watching Speed 2, I haven't even seen it.  The nightmares don't wake me up traumatised, but it's not exactly restful sleep.

Strictly Tearful

 

 

 

Andrea Bocelli performed Nessum Dorma on the Strictly results show last Sunday evening.  I love Andrea and I love this music, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes, not difficult to do today.  Beautiful performance.  The professional dancers are Karen Hauer and the delightful Pasha Kovalev

Gunpowder, Treason and Plot

It's November 5th and as well as being date of the famous Guy Fawkes plot, it's my Mum's anniversary.  It's nine years today, feels like yesterday and feels like one hundred years ago. 

I've booked the day off work as I usually do.  I'm fine, but fine is not necessarily something you want to inflict on work colleagues, especially new work colleagues.

I don't sleep well, as is usual at the moment.  I get up early and jog for 20 minutes then I head out for coffee.  I'm welcomed by Fay with a giant hug which she rushes around the counter to give me, as soon as I'm in the place, she's on duty today, barista extraordinaire.  I'm in the mood for peace, my tranquil time in my usual seat, in my usual window, you know the one, and I chat with Fay too a little in between pesky customers, a very welcome distraction.  I've switched to my seasonal Chai tea, it's spicy and hot and I always have it around Christmas, it's steaming and I can cup my hands around it and really get warm, it's early I know, but I just felt like it.  After around 30 minutes, Fay brings me a bagged up cranberry and orange muffin to make me feel better.  What can you say, but thank you, but I knew that it was love in the shape of a muffin.

I'm home by 10.45 and within minutes, J picks me up, we head out to Ikea then to M&S and pick up a few things, pillow cases, vases, candles, a loaf, a thermal top... for me.  I'm really not in the mood but we're both on autopilot and wander around like we have no where else to be, we don't actually.  It's another cold but bright and beautiful day, the sun is just gorgeous.

J drops me off around 3pm, I load up her car with my recycling and off she goes.  I finally tuck into my orange and cranberry muffin and Fay was right, it worked a little magic, and it was lovely. 

I feel so sad today.  Not just because of the day, it's a culmination, my heart aches but more for you.

Sunday

It's Thursday.  The working week has been pretty frustrating, left to flounder again but people are busy and they don't have time to train me, so I'm not annoyed with them, they maybe should not have been given the task of training me, or have accepted it, if there was no time.

I enjoyed our chat this morning in the darkness, all that was missing was your smile and me being able to give you a hug or to try to make you laugh.

I have so many balls in the air at the moment, it's only a matter of time until I drop one. 

I'm still struggling a bit to write here hon.  I want to write something but my heart's not in it.  Last Sunday it was cold and crisp and today, Sunday, it's bright but cold, it was the same on Friday, such a beautiful day, blinding sunlight and rich golden leaves as far as the eye could see.

The past few weeks have brought incredible sadness and incredible reminders of love.  The only thing you can do at times like these is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Sooner or later, the path will begin to get easier again, I promise.

Family

It's Sunday, and in light of recent events, I have made an extra effort in contacting those that are special to me.  One of those efforts, resulted in a phone call to my cousins N & I, I don't normally phone, I usually email. We chatted for over an hour, it was as if we saw each other yesterday and that not a moment more had passed since.  It was lovely.  We chatted about family and my new job and my 'love life,' such that it is.  Started talking to N, we chatted about all kinds then I got passed to I, she is so straight talking and so true, she always makes me think and laugh, she is a mirror, not necessarily a mirror you want to look into, but a mirror, non-the-less.

When I was little, I thought I came from a big family, truth is I don't.  Or, I don't now.  We are a small band, that fact alone should make us closer but it doesn't.  I've just counted and there are twenty three of us, that includes the lost souls who have joined the madhouse.  Enough to fill a small room you would think.

Truth is, because of family issues and disagreements, we'll never again be in the same room together, literally, at least not in my lifetime.  I love those twenty three and hope they each find peace.  Life is too short.  

So, where does that leave me?  I'm guessing that all I can do is tell the people that I love, that I love them.  It's not easy, I think, and I'm trying to gain some perspective here, for instance, my nephew is around 26 years old, gosh he'll kill me, I've only recently had this conversation with him, I seriously can't remember how old he is.  Anyhoo, my nephew, who is 26 or 27, grew up with his Mum and Dad telling him that they loved him, all the time.  I think my nephew was the first person to tell me that he loved me.  It was quite a moment.  It was awkward, I didn't know what to do with it, it was like a floating elephant hovering over a sentence that lasted forever.  But it's OK now.  My nephew and I tell each other we love each other all the time, and it's normal.

But what about the rest of the family?  Our relationships are not always easy, would I turn to them in an hour of need?  Not necessarily.  Do I love them?  I do. 

So, ten minutes ago, my darling nephew phoned me.  He was early for his date and nervous and so we chatted.  I gave the best pep talk I could muster and after announcing he had two weeks leave to take, we agreed we would have a cinema date sometime during that two weeks, then told each other... you know.

24 hours later and shocker, the date went well, well of course it did, I had every confidence.