Hip Thing

Hi Hon,

Well, I'm not going to lie... this week has been a mega bitch.  Has left me mentally and physically exhausted.  But it's done now, it's over and that's work for you.  I'm not going to bore you with the details but to summarise; eighteen hour days, sleepless nights, immobility due to being chained to a desk, travel... exhausted isn't the word.

Thankfully, I now have a week of leave, I need to use it or lose it and it could not have arrived at a more opportune moment. A couple of weeks ago, I had a whole week of being chained to my desk, no lunch break, no power walk to clear my head, and as I'm obsessed with getting in a minimum of 10,000 steps a day, (even though I set my bar at 14,000,) well that meant that I had to get in the majority of my steps after my evening meal and before bed.  This resulted in what I thought was sciatica but in fact, I think it's some kind of hip strain. Whatever it is, it's painful.  If I had highlighter pens, I would highlight my left, very top of thigh bone, my outer left knee and my left ankle. It's agony and it's making me miserable.

My dream of having a boot camp while I was off was derailed when everything I read was 'keep mobile but rest' as in...don't aggravate it anymore than you already have done.

On top of the leg problem, I went to Bee's for lunch on Sunday and from Monday, I have had terrible griping pains in my tum.  Now, Bee can cook and even though she has a blatant disregard for 'use by' dates, she also knows how sensitive my stomach can be, so apart from the 'homemade' mustard, I don't think there was anything in the roast that could have given me grief.

I'm going to put the stomach cramps down to the ibuprofen I've been taking for the leg thing, I know that it can be harsh on your innards and I don't usually take it so it must be that, but it has me living off white... WHITE... toast.  You know white, processed rubbish doesn't usually pass my lips, but white toast is what I need and white toast was all I ate for two whole days.

It's a good think I'm off this week. I don't do sick days so I would have soldiered on and been totally miserable... more miserable than I have been.  I'm getting plenty of sleep, which only serves to remind me of how sleep deprived I am on a daily basis.  Leg is waking me up in the night., just hurting really, nothing major.

My time off, dodgy hip and lethargy, turn out to have a positive effect.  I read.  I'm in no hurry to have my ritualistic coffee at my weekend location and hurry to the next thing on my to-do list.  I sit, I read, I make the most of the free refill policy and I read some more.  Bootcamp turns out to be a Masterclass to myself.  I get to read every day, because I'm free, not chained to my desk, and awake. 

Yowza

The nights are drawing out Col, I feel like I can breathe again.  It's funny how Winter creeps up on you and you think that you're sailing through, and I'm taking my Vitamin D and embracing Winter, but then, like today, it's Saturday so I'm already home, it's 4.30pm, it's light and I feel... like I can breathe for the first time in months.

I've been back at work for a week. It's safe to say that the quiet lull is definitely over.  I'm working on three separate projects, all of which are urgent... high priority... in a time crunch kind of way.  Most of me loves it, (but don't tell anyone at work.)  I love having multiple balls in the air, someone told me this before but I think they were pretty astute, I look like a Swan gliding effortlessly through a glistening millpond while beneath the water, my legs are going like the clappers. 

It's not so much the three projects, it's the hopping between them as minor emergencies emerge and you have to immediately drop one project, fire fight, wait momentarily for any aftermath then drop that project and pick up the one you were working on before the emergency because until the fire, this one was actually the most pressing.

Image and health wise, I've been pretty good for a while... not so hard on myself as before.  I'm on Instagram, did I tell you?  I'm not public, I don't post anything, and I don't follow many people but those that I do, they are all very positive, life affirming people.. mostly women.  You know me and I acknowledge I have my dark side and very occasionally, the eternal emanating positivity gets on my nerves but for the most part, the daily reinforcement travels through my eyes into my brain and seeps into my veins.  It's all good. Still, I did happen to catch a glimpse of my behind in the mirror this morning, decided it was the consistency of blancmange and the size of a small continent.

While I've been moving my body for a good while now, (I invested in one of the cheapest Fitbits and I'm obsessed with getting in 10,000 steps minimum each day... usually aim for 13,000,) and last April, I invested in a Bellicon rebounder which helps me get my steps in and is more fun than a singleton should have while watching TV. But, some serious exercise has been missing for a while and I've been meaning to make a new habit for ages.

You know my trouble Col, I rise at 4.30am, I really can't get up any earlier to fit in my workout but so far, working out after work is eluding me, I just can't seem to find the energy or motivation.

Last Saturday, I had a lovely day.  I actually did what I wanted to do for a change. I had two coffees at Starbucks (my refill was free,) read, food shopped strategically as it's ten days before pay day, called in at Sister's for a hot water (I was all coffee'd out,) my cousin was there so two birds, one stone then I came home and did an Ashley Borden workout.  This woman is an inspiration.  Her workouts are not fussy or complicated.  She's realistic and encouraging and I want her body when I get around to it.

So I did one of Ashley's HIIT workouts for the lower body.  I was short of breath and sweaty by the end of the nine minute workout but I made it.  Form probably wasn't great, but I did it.  Warned Jan in our telephone call that I may not be able to move to phone the next day as I could already feel my legs starting to complain.  Cut to next day and I'm sore but slightly smug that I'm nowhere near as sore as I expected.

You know what's coming next don't you?  Yes, I had forgotten that day two is the actual killer.  I was stiff and sore, proving to me that I had actually moved my body and that it hadn't moved with any momentum or intent for some time.

Ahhhh Feb x

It's February at last.  I do love Feb, it's just so... hopeful don't you think?  It's like January but wearing a different coat, it's January without the depression. 

So I made it through January.  My tactic was to keep head down and to power through.  Seemed to work a treat, must remember that for next year.

I'd booked the second week of Feb off work, mostly to use up leave before it's lost, and I thought I'd waited too long for my worn out brain and body, but it turns out it was a perfect week to have.  Work was on a brief lull, I thought I was coming down with a cold, I was tired, permanently frozen to the core and just ready to spend more time on my new and amazingly warm and comfortable mattress.

My plan was to rise everyday at 6 to workout and to make a new habit.  Well, you know that didn't happen.  My mattress is too good.  I need to make a new workout routine but, just not yet, not while it's so warm and comfy and it's so very cold outside.

So this week I have had coffee in the a.m. and read, then did something; walk in cupboard - organised, wardrobe in the back room, box room... all organised.  I'm on such a roll Col, you'd be so impressed.

I'm going to tell you something which sounds a bit morbid but it's not really, I'm just being realistic, logical.  So Jan had mentioned a few times that she's sorting because one day, when she and hubby are gone, it will be down to CJ to sort everything and she didn't want him sorting through, well... crap.

You know what's coming next don't you?  Well, when I came to think about it.  CJ is going to be sorting through my crap too, and I want to make it as easy as possible for him.  It may be forty years from now but why wait?  What if it's next year and I wasn't organised?

I was sixteen when CJ was born and while I always felt like a protective Aunt, he also felt like my little Brother.  Even now that he has a family of his own, he'll still tell me that he loves me.  Words cannot express.

My family didn't do that before CJ.  It's totally down to my sister and brother-in-law, that CJ is able to profess his unashamed love and that we are now able to accept love gracefully and to say it back.  They changed our family because now I wouldn't think twice about saying it out loud... in front of others... to CJ's beautiful daughter.

Col, I slowly walk behind this one year old with my left arm outstretched.  She's holding onto the index finger of my left hand as she totters across the room, while her tiny right hand has a firm grip on my heart. I look at her and all that I see are CJ's eyes.  Safe to say... I'm in love.

Beautiful T

So how is the year treating you so far?  Personally, not that it's been terrible, and I know that your birthday and Don's birthday, and one of my sister's birthday's is in January, but other than that, I really don't like January and I'll be glad to show it the door.  January, over hear anyway, and as you know, is so cold and dark.  Spring seems like a lifetime away and I'm convinced that despite the Vitamin D supplement I've been taking, I'm starting to get a tinge of Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Or, maybe I just don't like January, with the exception of three birthday's.

It's not all bad.  The nights are finally drawing out so that means that even though it's pitch dark when I leave home for work, I now have about ten minutes when I get in before it's pitch dark again... bonus.  (Still not worth opening the curtains for it though, not yet anyway.)

After work on Friday, I headed for the supermarket, with basket and list in hand.  It was pretty quiet for once, probably because it's day's before everyone gets paid, anyway, while circling for the Ryvita, who do I see, but our friend T with hubby in tow, pushing the trolly.  After kisses all around, T declares; "I have to show you something," then she reaches into her bra. I know, you're not shocked either right?  This is the T that I love, the shining light, the funny one, the beautiful and yes, the most endowed of us all, so when she plunges into her bra, in the middle of the supermarket, I think I'm un-shockable and this is all quite normal after more than a couple of decades of friendship.

T pulls out a really large crystal from her bra, given that her chest is pretty nigh one of the Great Wonders of the World, I wouldn't like to say how many of mine would go into one of hers, but still, I'm not shocked that she's produced a crystal, more surprised that there was any room in the bra for such a big crystal, still, she managed to shoehorn it in to be close to her battered heart.

Turns out the our gorgeous friend has been for a Reiki session and cannot recommend enough.  I'm guessing this is where the crystal came from.  Surprisingly, it's not something I have ever tired although you know that I'm so into that stuff, maybe this is the year? 

Princess and the Pea

Week One of the new year and God it's been long and boring in work but... the highlight of my year so far is that I, or rather we have taken delivery of a new... mattress.

I'm not going to tell you how old my recently dearly departed mattress is, was, as it's too embarrassing given that the new recommendation is that you replace your mattress every 8 years.  But, it must have been a good'un as it's only in the past couple of years that I've felt like the Princess in the Princess and the Pea as the springs had begun to poke at my ribs during the night. 

I intended to shop for a mattress twelve months ago but I'm not sure what happened, I didn't have the money or Jan wasn't available to take delivery for me while I was at work, or I just didn't get my act together and so I missed the January sales.  So that was me, done for another year, with springs poking at my ribs.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my mattress but it just became more uncomfortable than comfortable and so, it was time.  Out with the old and in with the new.

For probably the past three months, I've been priming Jan to have at least one day free to come mattress shopping with me, I wasn't sure I was brave enough to lay down on random mattresses in front of the general public, on my own, and so she had no chance of forgetting that I needed her.

On the 28th Dec, Jan and I set off on a freezing cold day, we had four stores to visit, store number one gave me two options and we left there, with hope, store number two was a disaster, the mattresses looked so unappealing and dusty, I refused to lay down, Jan did for me but we both knew I wouldn't be buying from there.  Three and Four were the same company just different locations.  The only thing they may have had in my price range was only online and you just can't buy without trying can you?  So Jan and I set off back to store number one and on and off the two choices we hopped.

In the end, I opted for the second mattress we'd been shown at 10am and it was now 1pm.  I knew that I wanted a pocket sprung mattress and that was all that I knew.  It was a bit more than I had hoped to pay so just had to hope that I hadn't made a mistake.

I got up around ten minutes early on the day of delivery, 4.19am to be exact, in order to strip my bed and manoeuvre my old mattress into the dining room ready for Jan and Geoff to take delivery of the new one while I was at work.  It was more of a struggle than I anticipated but I got there in the end.

Jan messaged me around 11am to say that she'd taken delivery of the new mattress at 7am and had just woken up as it was so comfortable.  Yes, her sense of humour has deteriorated along with her memory, however, I'm truly thankful that they could be there for me while I was at work.  I'm so excited but so still worried I've made the wrong choice.

As a bonus, I get home and Jan and Geoff have hauled my old mattress to the local tip for me so it is gone but not forgotten.  What would I do without my sister and brother-in-law?

I requested, via post-it note - 'winter side up please' for delivery, stuck it on my bedroom door at eye level, and so it was done.

I came home after a thirteen hour day and made my new bed, with a little trepidation I should say and still a little guilt for letting old faithful go.

Bedtime finally came and I sat on the very edge of the bed not knowing quite what to expect.  Have to say that my old one was stronger for the 'sitting on the very edge' scenario but for every other aspect... oh, my, goodness.  That first night was like floating on a cloud, whilst in a coma.  Why oh why, did I wait so long?

I'm warm in bed.  How is that possible?  The mattress has a winter side that is lined with wool and oh wow, the wool delivers.  I have actually been too warm at times, having to release arms over the duvet.  My body is supported, neck was a tad dodgy for a week or so as my neck and spine are now at a different angle but I have adjusted and I am now aligned to my new cloud.

Forking out for a mattress seems like such a huge worry and possible gargantuan mistake with money.  But, if you're brave, do your homework, stay around your budget and take a chance, you can be warm and comfortable at night.  At last.

Here's your hat, What's your hurry?

Christmas is approaching fast which is in line with the rest of this year.  Is it me or has this year just whizzed by? 

TV is full of Christmas movies, well, since August really.  C and D list movies mostly but it all adds to the season doesn't it?  I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" the only A list in sight. You must know that Christmas, timeless classic?  Well did you realise that Bert and Ernie,  (Police Offcer and Taxi Driver) were characters in It's a Wonderful Life?  inspiration for THE Bert and Ernie I wonder?  Am I the first person to cotton on to this or the last on Earth? 

I've had a wobbly few weeks, full of cough and cold for about three weeks, doubting that my love cares for me, wondering if I have been replaced.

It's been a while since I saw a psychic and you know that I love this part of life, I'm a total believer and have had too many occasions were a psychic/medium, messenger, has told me something that only I and the person who has passed would know, so I'm ready and waiting.

On this occasion, apparently my Dad, Jack was there as was his Father and Mother.  It's common knowledge that I don't profess to know Jack.  So much of what she told me flew over my head.  She did say that Jack's face was emotionless where as George's was full of emotion. 

George was the best Father sub I could ever have hoped for, he was an assured, constant.  A quiet man.  I hear John Wayne, I think of George.  He was married to my much older, eldest sister, and George was much older than she.  Maybe it was something he'd honed over time.  I suspect he'd always been this way.  Quiet, assured, dependable, strong, protective.

Anyway, George was apparently there and he mentioned walking someone down the aisle.  Well, George walked my sisters down the aisle, he was always the father figure.  It's been a good while but I will miss him until I see him again.

She told me that I only get the best of my current love but in a couple of years, I'll meet someone new, someone connected to racing and someone Irish.

I'm neutral.  Always cautious.  I'm a Leo and even the quieter cusp Leo's like me, want to be adored.  My current thinking is that I expect nothing.  I'm good enough already.  The only thing that I want to work on, is me.

Resolution Time Again

I limped towards the New Year.  New Year's Eve seemed never ending but I always stay up, always recreate all that I know, that you go out before midnight with your coal, salt, silver and bread, in order to let in the New Year.  Previous New Year's Eve's have been speedy in comparison, in hindsight, I think that a good film is key.

To be honest... it was probably around 4th January before I even thought, oh, it's time for some New Year's resolutions.

I think it's probably the first time that I can recall not having a battle plan.  So, better late than never, here is what I'm thinking so far;

de-clutter... more
sort garage
sort wardrobe
sort pans
sort makeup
sort pantry
lose freezer (the one in the garage that hasn't worked for thirty years which I use for storage)
lose sideboard (beautiful and antique but has lived in garage for over twenty years, needs to be loved somewhere else)
revise workouts
be patient... with the people who cut you up on the drive home, the drivers who are doing 28 in a 40 zone, the sales assistants who ignore your presence.
meditate... learn to
be honest... say what you think without being rude but speak up, even if it's something someone wouldn't want to hear
stop throwing yourself under the bus
read
write, write, write