Asymetical Me

Hi Col, it's Me!  I'm sorry these are few and far between, just seem to have lost my will to write for now, I hope it's only for now.

 I'm on leave and I feel so much less stressed than usual.  Just had a weekend down South with my amazing friends there but it seemed a bit fraught.  I always tell them; don't drop everything because I'm coming down, they are all busy and they all have lives of their own and I  know how precious weekends are, this time, yep, I clashed with 'life' and I didn't get to see everyone as much as possible but that IS life. 

I saw the kiddos who are now almost 8, almost 4 and a very gummy but hugely charming almost 2.  I love those kids.  I know that they don't know me from Adam but they are very dear to my heart, as are their parents.

Visited Jane Austen's house at Chawton on Friday, it was amazing to walk the same floor boards.  200 years since her death.  Met a lovely couple there on honeymoon from Ohio.  All I could conjure was 'fields?' That's all I know of Ohio but it sounds beautiful.  I imagines waves of wheat, wafting in the breeze.  They were doing a whistle stop tour of the UK.

So I flew down from Thursday to Sunday evening, Jan collected me from the airport on Sunday night.  Had to practically throw myself in the road in front of Jan, it's drop off/pick up only with no waiting/loitering allowed, so if you miss them, or can't scramble to the front of the crowd, you have to wait for your ride to circle the airport again. 

Monday I had a busy day.  Jan has CJ's daughter Monday's and Thursday's so Monday, I'd planned to be there as much as possible.  Arrived at Jan's about 9.30, Everly can now say my name... be still my heart, what a difference three months has made.  I spent an hour playing in the garden.  I was worried that Everly may have forgotten me but she was happy to give me kisses and to sit on my knee and to be lifted up by me.  Doesn't seem like five minutes since her Dada was in my arms.

At 11, I had physio finally for my hip thing.  Physio thinks it probably was Bursitis and has given me exercises to do, (I need to strengthen core mainly.)  She asked if I'd broken any bones in my youth, turns out I'm asymmetrical.  Knee creases in line, dimples on bum in line but one hip is higher than the other so irregularity is in my femur bone.  I have lots of asymmetries, I think it's because I was a later in life baby... or maybe I'm just 'different' ;)

Fight or Flight

World events seem to have extinguished my joie de vivre for the time being, I know what you're thinking, that my joie de vivre was always pretty well hidden ;) 

It's not that terrorists (deliberate lower case,) have made me want to change the way I live me life, everyone knows that you don't give in to terrorists, if this hatred goes on for a million years, which of course it won't for obvious reasons, they will never win.  I'm just sad that there is so much hatred in the world.

Thank you for the continuous invitations to visit you for just the price of a day's travel and a flight or two with free board, use of a car and love waiting for me at the other end.  You do of course know that I have been independent long enough to make me incapable of not paying my own way, but I love you for asking, always asking.  And you know... I just love you anyway.

So on my visit to the nurse this week, my cholesterol has rocketed since the last time it was checked three years ago.  It has gone from Olympic level 4.2, to an over zealous, heart threatening 5.8.  You know that I eat really healthily but I confess that in the last six months, maybe more, I've been stress eating my 'treat's as in crisps and chocolate.  I don't even enjoy them, but they seem to be my stress release.

Nurse went on to tell me that it could be genetic or could be age... joy.  I'm going to do everything I can for the next six months to see what happens because combine the high cholesterol with, yep... my increasingly high blood pressure, well, that's not a good combo is it?

So, my blood pressure has been on the increase for a while, well, ten years, in the past twelve months, my meds have been increased and my BP was perfect, for about five minutes, and now for the past few checks, it's been high again.

I do feel constantly in fight mode, whether that be against rush hour traffic, deadlines, injustice or just life in general, I just feel up against it all the time. 

I think I'm really overdue for some time off work, I only have three days to go in work and then I'm off for eleven and I just can't wait.

I know that high cholesterol and high BP are not a good combination, Jack, my Dad died at 61 of a heart attack which implies that he had one or the other or probably both.  What I have could be genetic, but you have to at least try don't you?

With this in mind, I need a new plan.

One Love

I did write about the terrorist attack in Manchester, but I decided that this wasn't the place to cry angry tears.  Suffice to say that while the world moves on, it will take those of us close to the blast, time to find some kind of normalcy again.  It will of course come.  I was writing more just now but I've curtailed myself once again. 

The ink hasn't dried on that paragraph when our Capital has been hit again.  I honestly don't see how we, the world, can find a way out of this.  I will not mention my view here.  I will say that I trust in God.

I'd been booked in for four months to donate blood again.  So on Thursday, in 31 degree heat, I sweltered along to my appointment.  By the time I go there, I was damp... everywhere.

After waiting for 30 minutes, I failed two blood tests and so wasn't allowed to donate, I'm fine for me, but if I donated, it may result in anaemia.  Been here a million times before, disappointed I can't donate now when our area needs it, but I'll be back in September.

Anti-Up

Hi Col,

Can you believe the rate at which we're crashing through May?  Baby Quayle is due any day now, (cousin's first baby,) Baba's Grandad's first anniversary was this week so I'm sure my cousin has lots of mixed emotions.

Interesting weekend, something usually happens to me, something fails like washing machine, car.  I go into complete panic and stress mode, how much will it cost to fix?  How will I cope without it?  Everything turns out fine in the end but it takes me a good week or more to recover from the ordeal.

Last weekend, after my Sunday coffee, car had trouble starting  but then revved into action.  Friday morning, it happened again.  Friday afternoon, phoned Dear Brother-in-law/AA Patrol; "Think battery may be starting to fail, can we test?"  That evening, I head over with car to be tested and tell Jan, I'm sure it's not the battery and it'll be something mysterious and complicated and stressful and expensive.  Fifteen minutes later, check is complete and I do indeed need a new battery.  Saturday, and Dear BIL has left early for work to pick up my new battery, has completed his shift and is now home so I head over to have it fitted.

By virtue of a rapidly declining car battery, I luckily get to face time CJ and my adorable great niece as he phones home just before I leave.  It's a few weeks since I've seen her and I can't believe that my heart actually aches for this tiny human who has no attachment to me and is yet to utter any derivative of my name, what can I say?  I love her.  The last time I saw her, her vocabulary consisted of; Dada, Mama, Nanna, Grandad and More.  Now we have; Bubbles, Peas (please,) Woof, (doggie.)  I love her so.

My doctor's appointment was this week, how quickly did that come around? (Being facetious, made the appointment six weeks ago to fit in with work.)  I had a list but it was all what I would call non important stuff, for me anyway, like my Hay Fever, Raynaud's etc. Anyway, while I was there, my GP decided to check my blood pressure, it was high.  I've just spent two years monitoring it, GP finally gave up and increased my meds, it was fine for six months and now... it's up.  Disappointed isn't the word.

Anyway, the next day, I Google what can increase BP, and remember my GP gave me anti sickness meds so that I could take an anti inflammatory for my hip?  Well an anti inflammatory can increase BP, so I'm really hoping that's the reason for the increase.  Hip is still not great but is better than it was and I'm taking Turmeric too to reduce inflammation, so I'm going to stop with the anti inflammatory and see if my BP returns to normal, well, my normal.

I love you, hopefully back before June x

Clutter

I'd made a date with Bee to rock up at hers one Saturday morning to take a stab at de-cluttering and organising her garage.  I arrived on time but as soon as she opened the door to me, she didn't look good, she's been suffering more than normal with her ears since January.  Middle ear infection is starting to get under control but she hadn't had a good night. 

I told her if she didn't feel up to it, it was fine, we could reschedule but she'd obviously geared herself up for it, had written on white rubbish bags with a black marker 'paper', 'rubbish', 'plastic' etc. so we jumped in for 95 minutes until the heavens opened and we had to scramble to get everything we'd taken out of the garage back in under cover. 

This was probably pretty good timing, even though I was doing all the lifting and carrying, Bee still had to bend down and move around and with an ear infection, it's not the best is it?  Anyway, she did well, she let go of more stuff than I expected, the items that I would have kept hold of over other stuff (like plastic plant pots) she wanted to get rid of, so I let her.  I uncovered a Pifco hairdryer from the 60's... in it's box, a cylinder hoover from the 70's, Pomagne with 1974 on it and a bottle of white wine stamped 1986.  Anyway, in an hour and a bit, we had a car full of rubbish to go to the tip, which is pretty good going.  Rain stopped play but I'll go over again, my main aim is to get her organised, at the moment, she has a narrow pathway to just about get through sideways and I'm worried she may fall or bang into something.

The following weekend I call in for a coffee, weather is terrible so no sorting, and I casually ask if she's been to the tip yet with the rubbish from the clear out, fully expecting a 'no, not yet'.  Instead, I get a 'yes' followed by; 'and on Tuesday I spent three hours in the garage sorting out....'  It's a good job I was sitting down.  Who is this person?  She tells me in minute detail what she looked at, where it was and what she decided to do with it.  Can't tell you how proud of her I was, and I told her so.  Three hours sorting on her own is a huge achievement after more than a decade of procrastination. I feel like I flipped a little switch and gave her something resembling motivation.

I've promised more time, as much as it takes to get her organised.  Hopefully the weather will pick up soon and even if it doesn't, I have a week off in June so we should be able to find at least one dry day to have another bash at it rather than hope for some weekend sunshine, or at least a day free of rain.

You know that I'm not a naturally tidy person but the more I sort and organise, the more I want to sort and organise, and I feel so much lighter.  Never in a million years did I believe that I would be like this.  It's taken a very long time but I'm getting there.

Better than Therapy

I've had a roller coaster week emotionally and it was mostly work induced.  I've cried myself to sleep, I've fought back tears in work, I've felt hopeful in work - supported even, (that was for about twenty minutes.)  After a brief but refreshing Thursday afternoon, I thought a quiet Friday would be plain sailing.  I was wrong.  Won't go into detail but suffice to say that I ended up with a pounding, relentless headache and a neck that felt I had a steel rod running up the back of it into my skull.

Three glasses of wine to go with three episodes of Grey's Anatomy later, (I know, I've given up wine,) a bucket full of tears and a box of tissues later, my head and neck felt worse but in a way, I felt a bit better.  Ms Rhimes' Greys is better than therapy, sometimes you just need a good cry.

Didn't sleep well on Friday night, woke up with head still pounding (could be the wine, definitely made the right decision to give it up.) Saturday is cloudy and gloomy all day, such a shame after Friday's brilliant sunshine but at least it matches my mood.

Sunday and we're back to glorious sunshine.  Head is better but not 100%, neck is painful but stuck the microwaved wheat wrap on it at 6.30 when I got up.  Decided that I need to do something about my emotions.  Don't get me wrong, emotions are good, sobbing through Grey's Anatomy is good, crying at the end of Long Lost Family is good.  Crying over some of the comments on the Country Heat infomercial is not normal.  Crying at the end of Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang is not good, crying at the end of The Spy Next Door surely isn't necessary.  I'm still upset over something that happened a year ago which still nags at me.  With all of this in mind, I have invested in a huge bottle of industrial strength Evening Primrose Oil.  Please God, let this work.

Ten Minutes

Jan has been slowly coming to terms with losing Mol, every day, I try to make her laugh a little and she is responding but then I'll get a text in work from her to say a member of staff from the Vets has phoned her in tears to say how sorry they all are and then a member of staff from the hospital whose care Mol was under, phones to say that there wasn't a dry eye in the house when the news spread.   It's all heart breaking, all lovely, all valid and a reflection of just how lovely Molly was.  She was a good dog, she is loved and she's somewhere now happy and feeling like she's a puppy again, I'm sure of that. Ten days after we lose Mol, Jan's Lupus spikes, this is expected, she'll be OK soon though.

Work was tough this week.  I don't know if it's the hip thing which is wearing me down but just three days left me exhausted this week.  Still, it's payday so I booked in with Mand to get waxed and with Steph to get my hair cut.  The last time I paid this amount of attention to my appearance was January. I wasn't really in the mood for either appointment this weekend, but thought they may make me feel better... more human, and they did.

I laughed through the whole beautification experience with Mand, despite the process.  We have a lot in common and we have always understood each other.  Steph is very young and is refreshingly simplistic with her view on life, she always makes me think and I love how she cuts my hair.

Last Christmas, part of Bee's present was several 'gift cheques' the kind you can download from a website, fill in the recipient's name, what you owe them and then add your signature. Part joke, part an offer of support, I gave Bee cheques for decluttering the garage, sorting out her wardrobe and clearing her loft.  She says she wants to be organised and to declutter, but in the ten years since she retired, she has never attempted to do anything on this list.  I totally understand her reluctance and when you're faced with a mountain to climb, it's hard to get started. 

Despite my ten minutes or ten items mantra, I've failed to get my sister going on her own but she's finally agreed for me to spend an hour or two sorting out her garage.