31st December

It's 31st December.  I woke late and so got up late, stripped bed and put that in the wash, back is a little cranky, probably from too much sleep over the past few nights.  When the wash had finished, I went off to the supermarket and stocked up on salad.  I aimed for the DIY tills as I usually do, and when it hiccupped, as it usually does, the lovely Mary queried if I really did have 4 cucumbers in my bag.  Oh yes, diet starts tomorrow, then we had a discussion on if I really needed to diet or not.  She is lovely, always is, year round and I really must write to her bosses to sing her praises.

I headed out for Starbucks in the still pouring rain, mid way there, I realised it was Saturday, (my Starbucks opens early on Saturday.)  Mr Regular has already arrived, (he's not in his usual seat, someone else is there.)  He's at a table today, laptop open as usual, busily typing away, I've just collected my coffee from Michelle, who doesn't usually work Saturday's so know wonder I don't know what day it is, I'm about to say hello to Mr R but he's on his phone.  I take up my usual window seat and as I take off my jacket, he shouts over to query why I'm late, having finished on the phone.  I tell him I forgot it was Saturday, then he tells me that he's already evicted several people from my seat including the ladies in the opposite window, just in case I turned up.  (He is of course, kidding.) 

Spoke to J last night, her friend's daughter was due to marry in August 2013, but for one reason or another, they've decided to bring it forward, I agree, why wait?  So, it's going to be August 2012.  As we spoke, J was knee deep in healthy recipe books and keen to get going on a new and healthy regime.  I in turn, was google-ing calorific values of all the usual foods I eat, just because I'd forgotten what was in them while I tried to remember how to eat healthily, it doesn't take long to fall into bad habits does it?

Faye has just arrived for her shift, she's around 20 minutes early and she does as she usually does if I'm in, and brings over her tea and stands, or sits talking to me, until it's time for her to go.  We must look and sound so funny, we both talk ten to the dozen in order to squeeze everything in that we want to say.  We're both full of ideas for the coming year, she's already lost 48lbs, looks fantastic and doesn't have much further to go in the New Year, we both vow to be super toned before long and I tell her I've been eyeing up kettlebells, or... kettleballs as I keep calling them, I think I keep getting mixed up with medicine balls?  Remember those enormous and extremely heavy balls from school?  Made out of some kind of hide, didn't bounce, weighed a ton?

It's a little cool in here, Mr Regular has just been over to comment that we're busy listening to "music to slit our wrists to," then tells me he's going to ask for cyanide in his next coffee.  He's right, we are indeed listening to a particularly slow and depressing version of; "Blue Christmas," (It'll be a Blue Christmas without you...)  He's made me laugh though and his comments tickle me for ages afterwards.

Yes sweetie, I do love my Christmas earrings, I found them a little tricky to get in, so once they were in, well, I've slept in them for the past three nights! They are lovely, I really do love them, I love both sides, (yep, they are reversible,) but especially love the side with "writing" on it.

Before I leave, Faye comes over to give me another hug, we've already hugged.  We'll see each other tomorrow as all being well, that's where I'll be and she's rota'd in.  I go over to Mr R to wish him a good evening, he asks me if I'm out and I tell him I'm not a fan of New Year but I'll go out with my coal etc.  After he's scoffed at me, and I tell him it's tradition, he tells me it's the tradition of an 80 year old and I agree that, that's where I got it from!  He said he'd rather be in Barbados and we both agree that it can be a bit sad, and we'll see each other again soon.

We're in the throws of the last few hours of 2011, I feel a little sad to let it go because it takes with it events from that year, and with each passing year, I feel a little further away from people I miss, but I know better than to try to hold back the hands of time and instead, give it a respectful and reverent nod as it prepares to bow out.  Because Mr Regular agrees with me that it's a bit sad, I don't feel too much of an oddball.

My iPod has gone wonky.  About two thirds of one of my running playlist has evaporated, it's still in my iTunes library, just not on my playlist and yep, I've tried synchronising a couple of times to no avail.  I sound like I know what I'm talking about don't I? Don't let me fool you, I have no clue.  I wonder if it doesn't like the new ear buds?  Well, changed the old ear buds back, re-synchronised but no... still missing.  Go figure.



I've been tidying on and off all afternoon and Pride & Prejudice has just started, which I can iron the bedding to, it's my favourite version, the one with Donald Sutherland, Keira Knightly, Brenda Blethyn, Matthew MacFadyen et al, oh, and a young Carey Mulligan, although your BBC adaptation has also been on over the holidays, your favourite I think.  Incidentally, "Mr Collins," (Tom Hollander,) is hysterical, ("exemplary boiled potatoes.")  You need to watch it again.  Some parts are filmed at Chatsworth which I visited with B, the statue room especially springs to mind, the film company had a bust of Matthew MacFadyen made especially for the film, which the company bequeathed to Chatsworth after filming, and with which I had my picture taken with lol.

I read in the news this morning that Russell Brand and Katy Perry, Katherine Jenkins and Gethin Jones, and others nearer to home have all decided to call it a day, all very sad but better to begin the New Year afresh maybe?  Who knows?

That's the end of Part 1.  It's almost 3pm, I have a long way to go, and I will be back later x

30th December

I watched the final instalment of Great Expectations today, I had forgotten the story and it was so good!  I know... shame on me.

I took myself off to the Trafford Centre this morning, I wanted my Shape magazine, which I can only get from there, and new ear buds for my iPod as both ears are broken.  No magazine but I did get ear buds and two pairs of trousers for work, from Gap, they fit lovely and were 9.99 each, should have been 40.00.  I'm totally stocked up with work pants now and the latest purchases should keep me going for at least a year, if not longer, depending on how they wash.

So, I didn't take my journal with me as decided it was too much to carry, then on the way there, I regretted not having it with me, still, I did take; "Eat, Pray, Love," guess what today was in the book?  It was 30th December and Liz has just touched down in India.  What are the odds that I'd be reading that chapter today... on the 30th December?  I know, approximately 365 to 1, not sure they are actual odds from a bookie, but I don't know how they work.

My Sat Nav, which is not too far away from me as I need to connect it to my laptop for an update... has just turned it's self on.  Sean, my Sat Nav voice, (he's Irish and has very soothing tones, particularly when I'm lost,) has just told me to; "turn around when possible."  This is only odd because I can't usually get a signal at home, not even on my driveway, so how does he know that I'm lost?

It's official, I'm sick of eating rubbish.  I still have holiday food left over, but I can't get through it and it'll be given away.  I feel enormous and in desperate need of a salad and a run. 

It has rained all day today and everywhere looks wet and miserable, so glad I'm still off work.

29th December

It's the 29th and I'm feeling a tad sorry for myself today.  I slept great though, too great, couldn't drag myself out of bed to jog this morning.  It's cold and very windy.  I headed for coffee and a chocolate coin, happily had a chat with Faye, my barista and friend then read some of "Eat, Pray Love."  I had a really weird dream last night, but can't remember a thing, other than the fact that it was weird.

So, I came straight home, did a little tidying then watched the BBC's latest adaptation of Great Expectations.  My friend Asha will love it when it hits her shores.  Gillian Anderson is brilliant as Miss Havisham and the adolescent Pip looks like a male Keira Knightley.  It's the BBC at it's best and is honestly the best thing on TV this Christmas.  Hope you get to see it, even if it's not until next Christmas.

One of my sister's calls in.  I love her dearly but she's developed a rather annoying habit where by if you don't agree with her / comply, immediately, then she takes offence.  This is a really bad habit to have at a relatively young age.  She's in her 60's, she hopefully has a way to go yet.  If it's just me that she has no patience with / and whom she treats like a child, then so be it.  But if it's universal, she's going to hack an awful lot of people off before she reaches 80.

I've just watched an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" called; "Dark Was the Night," you know I love this show, and it was so sad, I cried buckets, probably just what I needed actually.

I haven't asked you what you got for Christmas!?  Tell me when you have time okay?  I'm excited for your time off, it will be so lovely x

28th December

It's the 28th today.  I slept great last night, (artificially generated, but what the hell.)  It's one of my cousin's birthday's today, so I sent her a text quite early to wish her a Happy Birthday.  She very excitedly replied a while later to say she was going to a shopping mall with the family, her son had bought her a Pandora bracelet and she had some Christmas money to spend, so the girls, her daughter and daughter-in-law were going to help her to choose charms.  She sounded so happy, then proclaimed how lucky she was and what a lovely family she has.  Moving words indeed.  She's right and almost made me cry.

I arrive at Starbucks and have my coffee and a chocolate coin while I read more of, "Eat, Pray, Love."  I only have one or two more chapters, then I think Liz is off to India.  I did tell you how much I'm enjoying it didn't I?  No Mr Regular, I wonder if he's away as I haven't seen him for a couple of weeks I think.

Remember Auntie Beryl, Mum's friend who died this year?  I've been thinking of her quite a bit lately.  Writing Christmas cards, I came across her address in my book, I usually phone her Christmas morning, not necessary this year, then yesterday at Ness, you can see Moel Famau from the gardens and she lives, lived in that vicinity.  I could only remember approximately when she passed away but I went through the blog and it was 13th March.  I ended up reading a few blog entries and made myself laugh, that's so wrong.

So, I have my usual, "the end is nigh madam, you'd better get your arse into gear," head on, at present, so I've already started to sort out, or rather, re-organise the back bedroom.  My plan is... did I already tell you this?  I'm going to have the one, small, back room full of stuff which is to be sorted, and the rest of my home clutter free and organised in the style of; "Sleeping with the Enemy."  But in a good way.  You know I have OCD, but not the tidy kind damn it, just my luck.  Can you please keep reminding/asking me this coming year?  I won't do it on my own will I?

I really dislike New Year, for many reasons.  I have so many memories of New Year's.  Some good, but mostly sad.  I remember the happy and excited ones, with the whole family here, at this very location and happy and all but one or two of us staying behind at 11.50pm, usually Mum and my Auntie Phe who was too old to trek around outside in the cold.  So, the rest of us, maybe 25 plus, would don our winter coats and gloves and would all file out of the back door, hike around the outside of the houses to the front.  Someone would turn on the car radio.  The kids, me included would walk and run around the island in the road in front of ours, excitedly waiting for the exact moment, then, we'd all congregate and count down with the radio from 10, to Happy New Year!  Then we'd all join hands and sing Auld Langs Syne.  After many hugs and kisses, the male with the darkest hair amongst us, would have a silver coin in his pocket, salt, bread and coal in a baggie, he'd knock loudly on our front door and Mum would answer.  This was supposed to be lucky. (It wasn't as I remember.)

This ritual hasn't happened for a very long time.  I always find the 31st very sad, it just reminds me of everyone who isn't here, who I miss.  The 1st is always very exciting.  It may be the eternal optimist in me but I always wonder what the year will bring me and how fabulous things will  be.  Not long to go now.

27th December

So, after purchasing new work pants, grabbing a coffee and heading home, B picked me up at 11.30ish and we headed for Ness Gardens.  The sun pretty much packed up as soon as we got there and dark, grey cloud loomed overhead but it was still lovely.  The car park can be packed and you can still pretty much be alone in there.  We had lunch then headed out, B always trailed a little behind me, I tried to gee her up a bit to give her some enthusiasm for exercise, not sure it worked.  We took a short route as it looked like it was about to chuck it down, but the rain held off for the duration. 

So, I got home a little car sick, (B's driving,) showered, caught up with J via a phone call, then watched "Penelope."  It was lovely.

My, "Crazy, God Daughter," (I am CGM,) sent me a text this afternoon.  She's my niece, and a grown up, and we've always been close, don't live in each other's pockets, but we're very much on the same wave length, have the same sense of very flat, dry humour and we're there for each other if needs be.  We had a catch up which was nice and I'm long overdue for a visit to her home, which I must arrange soon.  Time goes by so quickly, (just look at this year...) I must make an effort to sort something out.

26th December

So, despite a friend telling me last night that he was dipping out of my life again for probably another 26 years, I actually slept pretty well, but that could have been exhaustion or the herbal sleeping tablet I'd already taken just before he decided to tell me this. 

I woke this morning, not exactly sure where I was.  For a second, I thought I was still at my cousins.   I didn't feel too bad, not as tired as I have done these past few days.  I got up, had cereal and jogged for 30 minutes.  I hit the Next sale for new work pants which I was desperate for.  It's so easy at this size, I picked up five pairs!  No intention of keeping them all, just need a couple so I'll see which fit the best and return the rest.  I then headed for Starbucks and the queue was almost out of the door.  I took up my seat which was still vacant, and read for 10 minutes hoping the queue would dissipate, but it didn't, so after a while, I joined the queue.  It took me longer to get coffee than to get pants.

I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love... still.  I've just read the part where the author is thinking that if she steps out of society for much longer, she may not be able to return.  She's already become, "Crazy Aunt Liz," with no husband and no kids, currently no address.  I've totally connected with her, for the past 36 hours, I've had a running conversation with my cousins about how things, (couples,) seem to work out for the best somehow.  How years ago, being a "spinster", "old maid" "maiden aunt" was so derogatory, regardless of circumstance, as was; "being on the shelf." 

So, on my way home, I called in at my eldest sister's and saw her, B, my two grown up nieces and great nephew for a couple of hours, then returned home, alone, on Boxing day evening, as I do every other evening.  Then I spontaneously contemplated getting a cat. 

I was sitting there, on the sofa, (your sofa,) thinking that it might be nice to have a cat, with a silky, smooth coat.  Then it actually dawned on me what I was contemplating and swiftly decided that I wasn't quite ready to be a cat lady.  I've no doubt that I will, eventually, become, "crazy cat lady" however, I'm not quite there yet.  Not quite.

24th/25th December

Where was I?  Well, at some point, mid present wrapping, I phoned my mobile phone provider as the website wouldn't let me re-set my password.  Customer service assistant sounded a lot like Dr Steven Hawking although I doubt very much Dr Hawking moonlights at my mobile phone company, never the less, Dr H, sound-a-like was very good and managed to get me access to a new password and wished me a Merry Christmas, great customer service.

Finally admitted defeat around 7pm, what's done is done and if it's not up to anyones standards, tough luck.  I'm starting to feel really tired.  Surprisingly, still have a way to go yet though until I can drift off to the land of nod and awaken on another Christmas morn.

I waited up until B arrived back from midnight mass, early this year, she was here by 12.20am Christmas morn.  Made B hot milk and off she went to her room.  I went to mine, but didn't drop off for ages then I kept hearing B cough through the night, woke around 4.30am but managed to doze a bit until 7.30.  Lay there a while then got up at 8am, shattered. 

I had several coffees before B woke and joined me so took the time to reply to your email while it was quiet.  I made the traditional bacon butties then we opened presents.  I got to speak to you, which was lovely, then made the usual calls before I got myself ready for the day, (decided on black capri pants that I've had for about 12 years and had never worn, a red top, a bit predictable I know, and loafers.)

B set off for our eldest sister's and I set off for my cousin's an hour away.  It's eight years since I had Christmas lunch with them, it was lovely and relaxed and... easy.  We all exchanged presents before lunch and one of mine was an enlarged and slightly fuzzy, (due to age, quality, pixels etc,) framed photo of Mum and Jack, my Dad.  It may be fuzzy, but it's lovely, I had to try really hard not to cry, (probably just exhausted or hormonal.)  Tucked behind the back of the frame were a few more photos, one of them was taken at my cousin's wedding, I am, I think L said, 17 months old, Jack is holding me and you can only really see our heads.  We're in the background of a group shot and are flanked by my cousin's in-laws at the fore of the photograph.  I like the way we're framed and despite my bonnet/hood, which also hides quite a bit of my chubby face, and knitted jacket, you can tell it's me, funny huh?  I really like this pic and think I'll find a frame for it.  Wish I hadn't been so tired but I lasted the day then slept for a fabulous, almost eight hours that night.

Next morning, I woke around 6.45 but had nothing to do and nowhere to go, so I just stayed in bed.  It was bliss.  I lay there, thinking, having conversations in my head, watching the dawn arrive.  I gradually heard movement and voices and at 8.30, my cousin brought me a coffee, what a treat.

My cousin L and I head for the papers, it's not too far to walk, a little chilly but really mild for this time of year, this time last year, the pair of us were trying not to slip on the snow and ice.  We spend the day chatting about all kinds, no TV, the art of conversation is not dead after all.

I make a move around 3pm to head for my sister's to wish them all a Merry Christmas and have a turkey, stuffing and cranberry butty, my favourite. 

Christmas is over for another year, which is always a bit sad.  But it was a good one.  I'm shattered, and could do with sleeping solidly for at least a week, but I'm looking forward to New Year now.