I miss my Mum. Not for the reasons that you think, but I do. Well, more than likely for 100% the reasons that you think but today, I'm coming from a different angle.
One of the things someone very special to me told me, after they had emigrated, was that they were sorry that their kids didn't have anyone close, from an older generation, in their lives.
I am proof that, whatever your age, it's a gift to have someone older to give advice, to reflect, to spend time with. Just to bathe in their wisdom and their glow.
I do have people in my life that are older but we have the unique situation in that we are the same, my next generation, are the same, they are my sisters, and the dynamic just isn't the same as with a parent or an aunt.
I long for an old person to be in my life, and I say that with love, I do not intend the word 'old' to be derogatory in any shape or form.
I lost my last 'Aunt' who was a surrogate, a wonderful friend of my Mum's who was well into her 80's, a couple of years ago. When she left us, my last independent link to Mum and a wonderful.... what's the word for correspondent, but in chatter? Friend... was lost, I do miss her.
I'm not young anymore, but I feel young to have no one, above me, older than me, wiser than me, caring about me.
On a lighter note, it's your birthday sweetie, and while I think of you often, I've thought of you more this week, trying to factor in the time difference.
I love you, I wish I was there, I hope that you had a wonderful day x
Sunday, 18 January 2015
Friday, 9 January 2015
First Week of the New Year
Dear Lord, what a week. A good break from work, coupled with the festivities, the good cheer, good will... only serves to remind you of how much you hate work, on your first week back in the New Year.
Monday, it wasn't just me, we were all like zombies, just going through the pretend motions and wondering, "Where are we?" Closely followed by, "What am I supposed to do here?" The day passed in a haze.
Needless to say that I barely slept on Sunday night, nor Monday night. I think I slept Tuesday night through exhaustion, it was such a lovely coma while it lasted.
So how am I doing with the resolutions? I know... you're desperate to ask, well...
Tracy Anderson Butt and Thigh workout - daily .... I did this on Tuesday night and it kicked my....
Grand plié or Demi plié - x21 daily ..... I did this only three times, because I forgot this was on my list, shame on me... it's so good.
Tabata - x3 per week ... give me a break, I managed today, that's all.
Take the stairs in work x3 per week - I work on the 8th floor..... I have a very good reason for not doing this, and I was going to postpone until next week. But, let me explain, my body was complaining at being back in work. 2 hours a day commuting and 8 per day at a desk had my back and neck complaining without me doing anything extra. Monday to Thursday I power walked for 30-40 minutes per day, and I could feel it. On Friday, we had freezing cold and heavy rain at lunch, and so I ventured outside and quickly decided to give the walk a rest and instead, climb the stairs, 9 floors of them. I was only aiming for 8 as I work on the 8th, however lack of signage and me counting steps distracted me, plus me being less out of breath than I expected, meant that I ended up on the 9th and had to walk back down to the 8th... where my desk lives. I'll do more next week, at least I got one in for the week.
The Plank x5 minutes per week .... I have no excuse, haven't even tried this week.
Tracy Anderson Arm Exercises, daily x100 per arm... I totally forgot about this until Wednesday, then I did 100 with weights, which must be at least double the equivalent, then I completed every day for the rest of the week, I do have to say that my arms rock.
I definitely had the blues returning to normality this week, but I powered through, as we all do.
I had physio this week and I was so much less concrete like. Even my physio was astounded, doubly so after I'd explained between my pre-Christmas lurgy, lurgy then Christmas, I hadn't exercised for a month, and I was still less stiff than normal. We both agreed that somehow, not being in work, the commute etc. had cancelled out the not exercising so I was actually less seized up than 8 weeks ago on my last visit. I concluded that I am definitely allergic to work.
It's week one and I would normally be disappointed with my effots but I'm not these days. I know that resolutions are not all or nothing. This year I've made them achievable and I'm going to take my time building up to them, this way, I'll still be doing them in November... I may give myself December off though. Can't wait for the Christmas break.
Monday, it wasn't just me, we were all like zombies, just going through the pretend motions and wondering, "Where are we?" Closely followed by, "What am I supposed to do here?" The day passed in a haze.
Needless to say that I barely slept on Sunday night, nor Monday night. I think I slept Tuesday night through exhaustion, it was such a lovely coma while it lasted.
So how am I doing with the resolutions? I know... you're desperate to ask, well...
Tracy Anderson Butt and Thigh workout - daily .... I did this on Tuesday night and it kicked my....
Grand plié or Demi plié - x21 daily ..... I did this only three times, because I forgot this was on my list, shame on me... it's so good.
Tabata - x3 per week ... give me a break, I managed today, that's all.
Take the stairs in work x3 per week - I work on the 8th floor..... I have a very good reason for not doing this, and I was going to postpone until next week. But, let me explain, my body was complaining at being back in work. 2 hours a day commuting and 8 per day at a desk had my back and neck complaining without me doing anything extra. Monday to Thursday I power walked for 30-40 minutes per day, and I could feel it. On Friday, we had freezing cold and heavy rain at lunch, and so I ventured outside and quickly decided to give the walk a rest and instead, climb the stairs, 9 floors of them. I was only aiming for 8 as I work on the 8th, however lack of signage and me counting steps distracted me, plus me being less out of breath than I expected, meant that I ended up on the 9th and had to walk back down to the 8th... where my desk lives. I'll do more next week, at least I got one in for the week.
The Plank x5 minutes per week .... I have no excuse, haven't even tried this week.
Tracy Anderson Arm Exercises, daily x100 per arm... I totally forgot about this until Wednesday, then I did 100 with weights, which must be at least double the equivalent, then I completed every day for the rest of the week, I do have to say that my arms rock.
I definitely had the blues returning to normality this week, but I powered through, as we all do.
I had physio this week and I was so much less concrete like. Even my physio was astounded, doubly so after I'd explained between my pre-Christmas lurgy, lurgy then Christmas, I hadn't exercised for a month, and I was still less stiff than normal. We both agreed that somehow, not being in work, the commute etc. had cancelled out the not exercising so I was actually less seized up than 8 weeks ago on my last visit. I concluded that I am definitely allergic to work.
It's week one and I would normally be disappointed with my effots but I'm not these days. I know that resolutions are not all or nothing. This year I've made them achievable and I'm going to take my time building up to them, this way, I'll still be doing them in November... I may give myself December off though. Can't wait for the Christmas break.
Sunday, 4 January 2015
We Need to Work it Out
It's January and that means that we are beset with 'D list' celebs, (not you Davina,) flogging their fitness DVDs, showing how they lost 72 stone, 'the healthy way', in 12 weeks.
To begin with, I'm not a celeb and secondly, I'll never be D list, I'm a Leo Darling.
I think it's important to aim for some kind of exercise, whether that's getting off the bus a stop earlier, taking the stairs instead of the lift, attending a class or finding something on Youtube that you can commit to.
I was slightly lazy last year, by my own standards, and it's made me realise that I need to find something that I want to do, that I can stick to, that doesn't take up much time and that I enjoy, most of the time.
This is what I'm aiming for;
Tracy Anderson Butt and Thigh workout - daily
Grand plié or Demi plié - x21 daily
Tabata - x3 per week
Take the stairs in work x3 per week - I work on the 8th floor
The Plank x5 minutes per week
Tracy Anderson Arm Exercises, daily x100 per arm
That said, it's already the end of 4th January, and I have done nothing. Still, tomorrow is Monday and I'm back to work, back to reality, it's a good time to start anew.
To begin with, I'm not a celeb and secondly, I'll never be D list, I'm a Leo Darling.
I think it's important to aim for some kind of exercise, whether that's getting off the bus a stop earlier, taking the stairs instead of the lift, attending a class or finding something on Youtube that you can commit to.
I was slightly lazy last year, by my own standards, and it's made me realise that I need to find something that I want to do, that I can stick to, that doesn't take up much time and that I enjoy, most of the time.
This is what I'm aiming for;
Tracy Anderson Butt and Thigh workout - daily
Grand plié or Demi plié - x21 daily
Tabata - x3 per week
Take the stairs in work x3 per week - I work on the 8th floor
The Plank x5 minutes per week
Tracy Anderson Arm Exercises, daily x100 per arm
That said, it's already the end of 4th January, and I have done nothing. Still, tomorrow is Monday and I'm back to work, back to reality, it's a good time to start anew.
Thursday, 1 January 2015
Time to Resolve
Happy New Year! Yes, it's true, it's not a dream, a New Year is upon us. Do you muster New Year Resolutions? I'm always a bit disappointed when people don't. It doesn't have to be much, I just think it's fun to have something to reach for, no matter how big or how small, how trite or how insurmountable.
Shall I go first?
1. Eat Clean and Lean, I love James Duigan's philosophy, I dabbled last year and will try to incorporate more this year.
2. Be more consistent with exercise, I kept it up last year but could have done more, I really did the bare minimum.
3. Re-learn how to do a headstand or a shoulder stand. I have a dodgy neck and I'm not sure either move is advisable but I've had it in my head for months now, that I need to be able to do this again, I used to be able to do them with ease, maybe I'm craving my youth? Or maybe I'm delusional, I used to be able to do the crab too, like you wouldn't believe, if I tried that now, my spine would snap.
4. Wear a skirt... in public. Olivia Palermo makes it look so easy, come on, how bad could I look?
5. Worry less about work, it's just a job, it doesn't soothe your soul or inspire you, it serves to pay the bills. Do it to your best ability, but don't lose sleep over it this year.
6. Drink less, I'm actually pretty good now, I just need to keep a lid on Friday - Sunday. One of my cousin's is teetotal. Over 70, and looks amazing. Maybe I could look amazing if I was teetotal? Well, we'll never know. Maybe if I could get to within Government guidelines... like I said, we'll probably never know. But I do resolve to try.
7. Do something new, that you're afraid of. That could be going on a date with a new person or venturing back onto an ice rink, or anything in between. It must be over 25 years since I've laced a blade onto my foot and ventured onto ice, and after the last time, and the ensuing... water-on-the-knee that lasted for months, it's something I've always been scared of, yet wanted to try again. Maybe this is the year?
8. Find a way to upload Granddad's photo onto Lives of the First World War project. The site is unresponsive and unhelpful at present, but I'll get there in the end, Grandad will be visible, in all of his handsome glory.
9. Read one diary.
10. Find Mark Birch.
By the way... London, your fireworks display was spectaular this year, well done.
Happy New Year, I hope that it's memorable, for all the right reasons x
Shall I go first?
1. Eat Clean and Lean, I love James Duigan's philosophy, I dabbled last year and will try to incorporate more this year.
2. Be more consistent with exercise, I kept it up last year but could have done more, I really did the bare minimum.
3. Re-learn how to do a headstand or a shoulder stand. I have a dodgy neck and I'm not sure either move is advisable but I've had it in my head for months now, that I need to be able to do this again, I used to be able to do them with ease, maybe I'm craving my youth? Or maybe I'm delusional, I used to be able to do the crab too, like you wouldn't believe, if I tried that now, my spine would snap.
4. Wear a skirt... in public. Olivia Palermo makes it look so easy, come on, how bad could I look?
5. Worry less about work, it's just a job, it doesn't soothe your soul or inspire you, it serves to pay the bills. Do it to your best ability, but don't lose sleep over it this year.
6. Drink less, I'm actually pretty good now, I just need to keep a lid on Friday - Sunday. One of my cousin's is teetotal. Over 70, and looks amazing. Maybe I could look amazing if I was teetotal? Well, we'll never know. Maybe if I could get to within Government guidelines... like I said, we'll probably never know. But I do resolve to try.
7. Do something new, that you're afraid of. That could be going on a date with a new person or venturing back onto an ice rink, or anything in between. It must be over 25 years since I've laced a blade onto my foot and ventured onto ice, and after the last time, and the ensuing... water-on-the-knee that lasted for months, it's something I've always been scared of, yet wanted to try again. Maybe this is the year?
8. Find a way to upload Granddad's photo onto Lives of the First World War project. The site is unresponsive and unhelpful at present, but I'll get there in the end, Grandad will be visible, in all of his handsome glory.
9. Read one diary.
10. Find Mark Birch.
By the way... London, your fireworks display was spectaular this year, well done.
Happy New Year, I hope that it's memorable, for all the right reasons x
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Bonne Nuit to Another Year
I'm sitting here, sooty, within the dying embers of another year. This one has been challenging with brief moments of happiness and chasms of despair. You have to wonder what next year will hold. Being ever optimistic, you have to hope for the best and you have to hope for happiness.
It's weird Col to think that you're already into the coming year with me trailing hours behind.
I'll be heading out just before midnight bearing the usual coal, silver, salt and bread. Coal so that I'll always have warmth, bread so that I'll never be hungry, salt for flavour in life and silver for prosperity. This magical bundle is supposed to be carried over the threshold by a dark haired man, but as I'll be spending New Year's Eve alone, I will have to be good enough. While it seems remarkably silly to most, I'd feel odd not doing this little ritual, it's all I've ever known, so for at least one more year...
Happy New Year xx
It's weird Col to think that you're already into the coming year with me trailing hours behind.
I'll be heading out just before midnight bearing the usual coal, silver, salt and bread. Coal so that I'll always have warmth, bread so that I'll never be hungry, salt for flavour in life and silver for prosperity. This magical bundle is supposed to be carried over the threshold by a dark haired man, but as I'll be spending New Year's Eve alone, I will have to be good enough. While it seems remarkably silly to most, I'd feel odd not doing this little ritual, it's all I've ever known, so for at least one more year...
Happy New Year xx
Tuesday, 30 December 2014
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
The first film I remember seeing was in infant school, I could have been anything from four to ten but I think I was probably five or six when I sat in the assembly hall, legs crossed, staring through the darkness at the projector screen to watch... "Bedknobs and Broomsticks".
This afternoon, I sat and watched it again. It was the underwater sequence that I remember the most and it's decades since I've sat and watched the whole thing through and I had totally forgotten that the amazing Angela Lansbury and David Tomlinson star. Admittedly, it's a little psychedelic in places, but it was the 70's, so you have to forgive. With a supporting part, is national treasure, Sir Bruce Forsyth, until very recently, the King of Strictly over here, also, the amazing Mr Roddy McDowell. It must be mind blowing to see your professional life archived in technicolour... and in black and white.
Today is the eve of New Year's Eve, I rose, had coffee in my weekend Starbucks haunt, had a brief jaunt around some of the sales, picked up some ingredients and headed home to make chicken soup and re-start the de-cluttering. I really feel that by this time next year, I may have nothing to do ;)
This afternoon, while I sorted, I've watched "Scrooged", again, for probably the fifth time this December, one of my all time favourites, gotta love Bill Murray, then "A Christmas Carol", the animated Jim Carrey version, God Bless Dickens.
I note that the nights are at last drawing out, I'll still be returning home in the dark once I'm back to work, but at least I have the promise that Spring is on it's way.
This afternoon, I sat and watched it again. It was the underwater sequence that I remember the most and it's decades since I've sat and watched the whole thing through and I had totally forgotten that the amazing Angela Lansbury and David Tomlinson star. Admittedly, it's a little psychedelic in places, but it was the 70's, so you have to forgive. With a supporting part, is national treasure, Sir Bruce Forsyth, until very recently, the King of Strictly over here, also, the amazing Mr Roddy McDowell. It must be mind blowing to see your professional life archived in technicolour... and in black and white.
Today is the eve of New Year's Eve, I rose, had coffee in my weekend Starbucks haunt, had a brief jaunt around some of the sales, picked up some ingredients and headed home to make chicken soup and re-start the de-cluttering. I really feel that by this time next year, I may have nothing to do ;)
This afternoon, while I sorted, I've watched "Scrooged", again, for probably the fifth time this December, one of my all time favourites, gotta love Bill Murray, then "A Christmas Carol", the animated Jim Carrey version, God Bless Dickens.
I note that the nights are at last drawing out, I'll still be returning home in the dark once I'm back to work, but at least I have the promise that Spring is on it's way.
Sunday, 21 December 2014
What did you achieve?
I read an article this week in Stylist magazine which got me thinking about what I had achieved this year. Trust me, I had to think long and hard but this is what I came up with, and for the record, maybe we should all do this, every year...
I mastered Excel, or as much as I needed to anyway, I went from 2% expertise to 100%, I've spoken to old friends who've said, Excel, I love Excel, what's the problem? But can you concatenate? I ask. The reply is usually.... What?
After eleven years of vowing to declutter, this year, I have achieved more than in the previous ten. I think that by next Christmas, I'll be micro organised, I'm so proud of myself. You know how disorganised I am Col, I hope that you're proud of me too.
I have exercised. I could have been more consistent but I have worked out, at least most weekends and I've tried new things, yoga, tabata, I love them both.
I have eaten healthily, 80% of the time. I get jokes and jibes at work over my daily, enormous salad based lunch, but I shrug it off, I know that I'm doing okay, more than okay actually.
I've taken control of my alcoholic beverages. As I've got older, I realised that I can no longer tolerate alcohol as much I used to. I was always striving to take the healthy high road... except for when it came to alcohol. I love wine. I enjoy a glass of wine but it got to become a habit, good day, (infrequent) bad day, (frequent) need to relax, (always) need to drown sorrows, (often) want to forget, (more often than not) Thanks to an Ailsa Frank CD, I'm sleeping soundly for the first time in years, and I'm alcohol free for 5 days out of 7. This is a major achievement for me, for the past few months, I've thought that this may be what would eventually kill me.
I spent a year in the company of someone who seems to like me, just the way I am. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel wanted, he gets upset, even angry, on my behalf. The achievement in this is that I let him in, and while I probably should have driven him away... I didn't. Whatever happens in the future, he will always have a place in my heart, a soft spot.
I survived a year in work. My job is repetitive, pressurised and totally unsung. In a department of pressure and praise, I am always overlooked, which doesn't do this Leo's ego any favours. Still, a year and a few wobbles later, I'm still there.
My darling brother in law gifted me his old android phone when he upgraded. This was a major upgrade from old texty only phone, held together with cellotape, which I adored. Over a two week period, I almost pitched the new phone out of any open window due to sheer frustration but, in the end, and after hours of pouring over an online manual, I got to grips and I can at least text, phone and take pics on the new phone now. I am such a Luddite and the phone initially only served to remind me of how alone I am as I had no one to help me figure everything out, but I got there in the end.
I uploaded details of my Grandad James Williams into a WW1 project website. We never got to meet, but I love him very much and I'm so proud of him. I can't wait for the day when we do get to meet.
The people I've held so tightly, I've learned to... hold less tightly. Not that I love them any less, it's just that I don't have the energy to hold them so tightly anymore, and maybe, I wasn't doing them any favours by holding them so tight. What will be, will be.
I'll probably be back to update this as and when I remember my achievements x
I mastered Excel, or as much as I needed to anyway, I went from 2% expertise to 100%, I've spoken to old friends who've said, Excel, I love Excel, what's the problem? But can you concatenate? I ask. The reply is usually.... What?
After eleven years of vowing to declutter, this year, I have achieved more than in the previous ten. I think that by next Christmas, I'll be micro organised, I'm so proud of myself. You know how disorganised I am Col, I hope that you're proud of me too.
I have exercised. I could have been more consistent but I have worked out, at least most weekends and I've tried new things, yoga, tabata, I love them both.
I have eaten healthily, 80% of the time. I get jokes and jibes at work over my daily, enormous salad based lunch, but I shrug it off, I know that I'm doing okay, more than okay actually.
I've taken control of my alcoholic beverages. As I've got older, I realised that I can no longer tolerate alcohol as much I used to. I was always striving to take the healthy high road... except for when it came to alcohol. I love wine. I enjoy a glass of wine but it got to become a habit, good day, (infrequent) bad day, (frequent) need to relax, (always) need to drown sorrows, (often) want to forget, (more often than not) Thanks to an Ailsa Frank CD, I'm sleeping soundly for the first time in years, and I'm alcohol free for 5 days out of 7. This is a major achievement for me, for the past few months, I've thought that this may be what would eventually kill me.
I spent a year in the company of someone who seems to like me, just the way I am. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel wanted, he gets upset, even angry, on my behalf. The achievement in this is that I let him in, and while I probably should have driven him away... I didn't. Whatever happens in the future, he will always have a place in my heart, a soft spot.
I survived a year in work. My job is repetitive, pressurised and totally unsung. In a department of pressure and praise, I am always overlooked, which doesn't do this Leo's ego any favours. Still, a year and a few wobbles later, I'm still there.
My darling brother in law gifted me his old android phone when he upgraded. This was a major upgrade from old texty only phone, held together with cellotape, which I adored. Over a two week period, I almost pitched the new phone out of any open window due to sheer frustration but, in the end, and after hours of pouring over an online manual, I got to grips and I can at least text, phone and take pics on the new phone now. I am such a Luddite and the phone initially only served to remind me of how alone I am as I had no one to help me figure everything out, but I got there in the end.
I uploaded details of my Grandad James Williams into a WW1 project website. We never got to meet, but I love him very much and I'm so proud of him. I can't wait for the day when we do get to meet.
The people I've held so tightly, I've learned to... hold less tightly. Not that I love them any less, it's just that I don't have the energy to hold them so tightly anymore, and maybe, I wasn't doing them any favours by holding them so tight. What will be, will be.
I'll probably be back to update this as and when I remember my achievements x
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